You might be reading this. As I know there is a link to my blog at my Facebook.
Yes I am staying. Yes I am putting my foot down and saying, I will stay right beside him. Where I did few years back, and so I will go on the next years to come. None will set us apart, unless God says so. For all the things you did, I thank you. I thank you for trying to reach out to me. I am blessed to know that God put down such calamity to both of us. The hardest by far, but only both of us know the struggle. The tears, the strength both of us put through. I still see in his eyes, this man who wanted to become better in every steps of the way. And he is asking me to walk along next to him. So I will. I made my choice long ago, and it wont change.
None have the rights to judge others. It might seem petty to one, but it is everything to them. Today, I faced the hours with every part trying to break down, but I gain strength every time I recall the moments of me and him sharing laughters, even after we shared tears on what has come upon us. We even share the same imagination of picturing our future together with our children running around, as we see families that passed by us. It has always been our dream to build a family together, and we still will (insya Allah).
There is pros and cons having a good memory. I remember so well how his eyes told me that he cares about us so much, even words can never explain as best as how he looked at me. That moment I knew, the calamity came to us for a reason. But it kills to know that I remember so well how the pain hurts. Alhamdullilah, I am not alone, as I know, it is hard for him too. We are holding hands together, walking towards the moment we will be one.
I realized that I kept complaining and get frustrated when I see my friends wed off so easily, whilst I am struggling here. I have no right to do so. Judging them, and saying they are lucky, but only they and God knows what hell they had to go through just to be husband and wife. But, I am thankful this came before we are married. God loves those who keep Him in their daily lives. I told Him many times to look over the both of us. And He did, part of this test is to keep us prepared for the real life of marriage. Not once have I thought this is a curse. Funny thing is, today, everytime I felt like breaking down, randomly, I saw surahs/hadiths/advices that told me He tested us for a reason. Have faith. Wallahi, I cried. Because He listens to the whispers in my heart. I felt bad for being weak too fast. But I realize now. He is always with you. He needs not wait for you to tell Him. He knows.
"No hardship strikes except by the permission of Allah. And whoever believes in Allah- He will guide his heart." [Surat al-Taghaabun: 11]
A Reflection: Hardship does not befall you except that Allah knows that you can handle it. If you show Him contentment, He will expedite His relief. (Quran Weekly FB Page)
God equipped you well enough before sending the calamity your way.(Mohamed Zeyara's)
So, here I am, standing still, right where I was before and not moving. I will be by his side till whenever He allows me to. I am no superhero. I agree. I feel the pain. But this pain, will worth the fight to a win that both of us will treasure.