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A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Cerita Pendek : Mungkin?

Yes, laju juga aku bawak ni. But I leave everything behind the moment I got the call from Asyraf. Ye lah, mamat tu mana selalu nak call aku. Tetibe je call, and he urged me to come lepak at Platinum, Setapak tu. Which takes like what, 15 mins to 20 mins journey from where I am. I have no idea, kenapa aku sanggup drop away from my assignment, just to meet this guy. 

"Sheera, kau free tak? Aku nak ajak kau lepak ni" said Asyraf, dalam suara dia yang seumpama stutter nak sebut perkataan tu.
"Aku free kot. For real la kau ajak lepak? Whats the catch boy?"
"Nothing. I just wanna see you. It's been long since we have a lepak session between us?" kata Asyraf. Weird thing is, we never have a lepak session. Usually it's the sort of hang out session dengan geng. 
"We never had a lepak session Asyraf. So the long part, is really like, erm.. never?"
"Okay fine. Let's have one tonight. Jom. I tak kerja besok. It's on me tonight. Jom la Sheera. Ingat senang ke I nak ajak keluar"
"Fine. I see you at 9pm"
"Lamanya, make it early la girl"
"Don't want. I nak tunggu you ajak I, takes ages. Suh tunggu pukul sembilan pun da mengeluh. Okay see you later boy"

That was pretty much our conversation. So here I am rushing towards our first lepak session. Fine. Aku panic, nak pakai apa, cause all these while, I don't think much of what to wear. I decided to go for something laid back after 30 minutes of looking at the wardrobe. Fine. Lama la jugak. So here I am, looking for that coffee shop, where Asyraf is waiting for me. 

So what is the deal dengan this boy? It's a big deal to me. He's my what if. He's my close friend, the one I pour my annoying moments and well, when I have problems, I run to him for advice. But I never ever, have that guts to spill it to him, how much he means to me. Bukan sebagai sahabat, but maybe more than that. It's been years since we keep on playing games with each other, bak kata orang, main tarik tali, but all I can think of is the fact that I am the only one pulling this. Oh shit, that's Asyraf. Breathe Sheera. Breathe. It's only a lepak session. Oh darn, dia da nampak kau, dia da wave, okay move it. Move it.

"Finally you came. Lamanya I tunggu" Asyraf sambut aku, like the gentleman he is, and waits for me to be seated then he follow suit. 
"I didn't ask you pun lama tunggu. Anway, thank you for waiting. Memang jauh betul you ajak I lepak ye"
"It's now or never kan. I told you I'll be here Sheera"
He draws that smile on his face. I hate that smile, I hate it. Sebab apa? Sebab I fall for it everytime. Aku akan marah kalau dia buat aku suka dia. Sebab I know I can't have him. We chat as a start. I noticed he is wearing spectacles for the first time. Make him look more, cute? No? Okay No. No more nonsense la. He's not gonna be yours Sheera. Why bother. Our conversation is lovely. It is going on fine, till I realize the fact that, I am being cold with him. My respond is mainly in a sarcastic tone. My heart ache everytime he makes me smile or happy. Aku tak patut rasa macam ini. The pain or heart ache is like doing something you love, but getting hurt along the way. I look down halfway through our lepak session, which then I turn quiet for a few minutes.

"Well you turn quiet suddenly, whats the deal princess?"
I hate when he calls me that, it just makes me fall for him more, but the pain of him being not mine is just, unbearable. Does he really mean it? Or memang dia sweet macam tu? 
"Do you have something to say?" I asked him. Raut muka Asyraf bertukar. Puzzled. He gives me a confused look. 
"I mean. jarang you nak ajak I lepak. Whats the deal suddenly, ada benda ke you nak bagitahu I?" I asked again the same question. He smile and shook his head, meaning to say, he has nothing important to say. 

I flashed a smile to him, while continue eating my last bit of dessert. I keep looking at my food. Playing around with it. This situation, is even worse than us lepaking with the gang. It is not awkward, but rather I feel a pain in the heart, a non-stop stabbing pain. My heart keeps on screaming, if there is a soundtrack untuk background situation time ni, aku nak mainkan lagu Adele - Make You Feel My Love. Sometimes I take a peek, looking at him. I remember the way he smile, always, the way he adjust his spectacles, of the time he make lame jokes, putting effort nak cheer me up, because he knows my silence meant something somewhere, I am in a sad mood. Finally, kitaorg habis makan, I am still very much quiet, but I start to talk. Halfway through I realize, if he's not gonna be mine, might as well aku treasure this moment dapat lepak with him. I wont know bila lagi dapat lepak this close with him. Unlike the usual phone calls, or chatting, we settle down, finally, to a one on one lepak session. Which happens like, once in a blue moon. So we walk towards our parking spot, dia menjadi gentleman, dia pon well, escort aku ke kereta. I hate to say goodbye but, I am at the car already, beratnya hati nak say goodbye. Can something please happen? Some miracle please, give me time with him. If I can't have him, let me spend time with him just being his friend, this close friend.

"Not this miracle" aku tercakap kuat pula. Asyraf duduk dari tepi pintu kereta aku yang tak tertutup, datang dekat pada aku. 
"What happened? What miracle sheera?"
Aku speechless. Panic kejap. Kereta aku tak boleh nak start enjin. Simbol battery menyala. After a few minutes of inspection, turns out my car is out of battery. Aku nak panggil tow truck, ni da malam, mana ada yang bukak. Okay, i was hoping for a miracle. Not in this way. Aku pun frustrated sebab, my one time lepak session turns horrible. 

"Sheera. Leave the car la. Meh I hantar you balik. Its not far pun, I can deal with it. I da drive jauh dari ni. Besides, nak panggil tow truck pun mahal la time camni. besok we deal with your car okay. i tak kerja pun besok. i temankan you. jom?"aku pun terdiam and nod my head slowly to show aku takde choice but head back to his car.

As I enter his car, I seriously feel like breaking down. I should've just treasure the memory dari awal. not halfway through baru nak sedar, this is one time lepak session. Now da jadi apa dah. What if after this, he finds a girl, this lepak thing will never happen again? Aku akan jadi pendengar cerita cinta dia, while on my side, I feel the hurt and aching pain to hear that he is happy with another. Like that never happened before, well it did happened. Enduring it was a pain I cannot go through it again. Not again. Both of us are very much single now, but none of us said a thing. Well, I didn't because I can't bare to lose him. I would rather hurt and be hurt with this situation dari lose him in my life. So, during the journey, again, aku terdiam. Asyraf asyik toleh ke arah aku. Agaknya, dia da start risau aku terlalu diam and well, obviously there is a frown in my face. 

"Sheera, you do know its pretty obvious you tengah miserable over something. Care to share with me? Da lama juga la I perhati ni. I am always here to listen you know that" 
Pergh, aku dengar ayat ni, ada yang banjir juga kereta Civic ni kang. Aku nak cakap. I really want to. I feel like bursting to tell and scream to his face. 
"So any girls you find interesting Asyraf? You seem like you nak kejar a girl. Who is it?"
Ternampak la muka Asyraf terkejut aku tanya soalan tu. He gives me a grin and just continue to drive.
"Well Sheera. Nobody really. Kalau ada pun, she won't look my way. It's always been like that"
Aku terus sentap. Rasa macam nak banjirkan sekarang juga kereta ni. I hold back the tears. Asyraf continues to talk back of how he feels it would be nice to have someone who understands him. My heart is responding to his every words, I wish I am the one that could show him that there is someone who wants to care for him. To stand by him when everything else fails him. To just laugh out on silly things, and to know when everything sucks, aku ada. I wanna be the girl, that stays with him through, everything.
I keep quiet, sebab sekarang, and dari dulu, everytime we talk on the phone and everything that we share, when he is down, I am the girl, in a form of a ghost, whom hug him from a far, to show that when he's in pain. I feel it too. 

"Well, see, told you kejap je kalau I hantar you. Ni da sampai da rumah you. By the way, are you sure you are okay?"
I looked at him, quite longer than usual. I swear my tears were holding up. I can see him da kaku kat situ. Terkejut mungkin, sebab aku macam nak nangis. Aku tunduk dan look away. Shook my head, saying nothing is wrong. 
"Sheera, I can't bare to see you this way. You've been really quiet. Meh la cita"
Aku teragak. This is my chance. Aku boleh je buat cerita drama kat sini. Tell him that I love him, more than a friend, kalau dia suka, aku jadi lucky. kalau tak suka, nangis, dan lepas tu, tutup pintu kereta. Well cerekarama enough that scene. 

"I like a guy Asyraf. I really really like him. It hurts me to like him but I can't do a single thing just to tell him I like him. It hurts me to see him sad, but I can't be that girl who is gonna make him smile. I love the way he makes me love him more, for all the effort he tries to make me smile. I am in pain, my heart aches Asyraf. I suka dia. I don't see him as a boyfriend. I imagine him to be forever in my life. Apa I nak buat Asyraf. My heart aches every single time I look at him"
Tears came along to every sentence I uttered to him. He just stares at me, and nothing. He looks directly at me, attentively listening. I had to close my face, of course la aku embarrased with the fact aku membanjirkan kereta Civic dia dengan air mata aku. Damn it, aku tak nak berdrama kat sini. 

"Who's the guy Sheera? Why don't you just tell him? Kenapa you takut sangat? Don't let your heart ache more"
Aku frust bila dia tanya macam tu. I think its better aku blah masuk rumah sambung nangis. I'll forever be the ghost in love with him. 
"I just can't Asyraf. It's not as easy. I tak boleh nak go through it anymore" He looks away, and look down. He didn't say a word.
"I am so sorry. I think I better go. Thanks Asyraf for sending me back. I am really sorry, I didn't mean to cry in your car. Besok I can go with my brother to take my car. Thanks again dude"

He looks at me, clumsily searching for my house keys in my handbag. I heard him stutter few words, but aku terlalu sibuk nak keluar dari kereta. I open the door and wave goodbye. Aku baru nak tutup pintu kereta, dia start bukak tingkap kereta. My eyes are still red, but I force a smile as I see him smile. 
"You know, you suck looking like that. Not pretty at all"
aku membara gak la dengar but, he sucks at jokes. I just smile, because it is him.
"Sheera, nak tanya"
aku berat hati nak stay by situ. I want to continue crying. I raised my eyebrows waiting for him to ask. 
"Is the guy me? Because if he is, I am very much an asshole for not realizing it all this while, and for hurting the one person I care the most, and that it takes ages and courage for me to even say this to you", miind you, he didn't say it flawlessly. He stutters most of the time. Trying to look as if he is cool with it. 

Mata aku terkebil-kebil dengar, I swear my jaw dropped sebab tak tahu apa nak respond. I continued to cry but this time with a smile. 
"Here, amik la tissue ni, wipe it off. I get your answer. I don't wanna hurt you anymore. Go inside. I'll call you lepas ni. I wanna make sure my girl is okay"
He smiles. I smile and we parted ways. 

p/s: The first part to this story is called "Cerita Pendek: Kita Kawan kan?" Hope you guys enjoy. I just did it because the idea came suddenly. hehe. 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Boring. Hahaha

Shutterkid said...

You think I dunno it is you ah
-________- boring konon. tapi baca dua kali