About Me

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A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Green. Yellow. Red. Do you see me?

Dari jauh da nampak traffic light bertukar warna hijau. Selalunya jadi driver di Malaysia ni, dari jauh da speeding. Termasuk la aku, kadang-kadang tekan minyak sikit nak kejar masa, few seconds does make a difference. But as I came near, the light turns red. Oh well. Menunggu la. Selalunya, bila aku drive di jalan ni, it's always one lane, barely ada two lanes of car. But today, there is one. A small kancil. Usually, waiting for the light to turn, (especially at this road) it takes ages. I will usually, end up daydreaming or thinking what to do. But today, I turned to look at my right.

A kancil.
A small girl.
and her grandfather.

Happily, the girl is smiling, while the grandfather (while from what I was seeing through the hand gestures) explains to her what the traffic light means. Red means stop. Greens means go. The girls nods again and again happily while repeating what her grandfather did, alongside the hand gestures.

I end up reminiscing my own memory. Dulu, aku lah budak kecil itu. Having the old chap next to me, bringing me around Ampang, for endless driving here and there doing chores and going to kedai. Even my first LRT ride was with him to Masjid Jamek to go to Mydin. But I was very much that girl, in the car, tapi time tu Mercedes yg lama nan besar tu. Well, can say I sinked underneath the big seat since I'm small. But that conversation and image of the two individuals, made me think a long way.

I do miss my grandpa. The man that well, brings laughter half of my life. No. Almost 2/3 of my life. Who taught me, my first bike ride and told me
"Tak apa, takde tricycle pun you can ride the bike. If you fall, bangun. If you hurt yourself, it'll heal, tapi nanti awak pandai. Awak belajar"
Mind you the road back at my grandparent's house is quite..steep. But he encouraged me to try.
So, for that one time. I was grateful the traffic light turns red.
My mind come to think, that walaupun ada red light in life, it's okay to stop and look around. When you see what you have to see, then go when the light is green. You'll be wiser after you start to acknowledge things around you.

If I saw scenes of that matter.
I'll end up crying. Missing. A presence long gone. Today. I smiled. I am grateful, to once have that presence around me. Grateful, that I was that girl once. I've grown to be who I am and insya Allah. Further move forward with a better view. Plus, I'll see him again :) For today, I knew, Allah wanted me to look more, more than just memories. I'm amazed with the fact that all of that thinking, happens within only
3 minutes. or less.
You see, thats why we should stop and think through
We're gifted with aqal and the inspiration and ideas comes from Him

So. In the end, the traffic light turns green.
But before that, the girl turns to a view of a driver, smiling.
She smiled.
I waved and said hello.
She smiled and waved happily and turn to look and telling her grandpa of the person that just say hello.
I made the turn, away from the car. Not only did I say hello, but thank you, for a wonderful image and may the girl be blessed with amazing presence like how I do :)

Subahanallah. Allah always has its ways. It is either we decide to make use of the time and space to think.
Everything has it's reason.

"What did you do when the traffic light is red?"

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Little steps go further.

Apa itu cinta? Ha
Kalau cinta mesti la yang berkaitan sayang. Berkaitan bahagia.
Tapi apa orang lupa la kan. Cinta pun ada pasang surut. Yang down itu pun cinta. Dah nama sayang, maka yg baik kita terima. Yang buruk kita terima.
Makanya, apa itu cinta?
Pada saya, cinta itu yang baik kita terima dan mensyukuri. Yang buruk kita baiki supaya jadi terbaik.

Do I have a love story?
Of course I do. I'm like every human being out there. I do fall in love.
I am for now, falling in love.
Seperti fitrahnya seorang manusia akan jatuh cinta. Begitu juga saya.
Makanya, saya sedang sayang seseorang. Ya. Itu adalah anugerah yang saya terima dari Yang Maha Esa.
Dalam masa yang sama, I fall in love with the One who gave me that gift. Dia. Yang Maha Esa. Yang Maha Pengasih. Yang Maha Penyayang. 
I set things out straight. Jujurnya, susah. Malu sebenarnye, apakah silap langkah selama ni tak mencintai Dia dulu. Ye that is my mistake. 
I set things right. For all that I care. I turn my love to Him. Yes. it is not easy, Tuhan sahaja tahu how many times I feel like giving up. But then I remembered 'Allah tidak akan membebankan hamba-Nya lebih dari apa yang terdayanya'. The more I turn to Him. The more harder it is. Tapi itu bukan bermakna Dia tidak sayang. Tidak, lagi diuji, lagi bertambah sayang Dia terhadap hamba-Nya. Sebab dengan ujian itu, kita akan lari dan merintih semuanya kepada Dia. Kita akan mengadu dengan Dia. & I tried to think positive. Alhamdullilah, he also gives me support through various people around me. 
What hardships I went through?
Trying to change all the wrong things I did, dan membawa cinta saya ke jalan yang lebih baik. 
Alhamdullilah. At the present time, I am in a thankful state. Whereby, I have such strong support coming from my loved ones. Friends, family and definitely from Him. 

Yes, it is hard. Tapi sesungguhnya setelah kesusahan di lalui. Kalau betul berjuang di jalan-Nya. Insya Allah. Semua akan dipermudahkan. I was scared, at one point I'll lose this love that I've never felt before. Indeed I was wrong, I found a better love an eternal one, that let me be happy as I am now, and even more better, strengthen the love I have before. :) So kepada readers, yg baca post ni. If you are going through the same, don't give up. don't ever give up if you are going to His way. Percayalah, He'll make everything even more easier for you. Yes, I changed to a wiser state as I am. Through his presence. Tapi semua itu adalah atas kekuasaan-Nya. So I'm praying that this will last till the time is right :) 

Sebab saya di sini menulis ini? Because I wish to share, a beautiful miracle I went through. & I pray that you will experience the phase that I went to a much better place :) Insya Allah

So here's the end for now. i'll see you soon

p/s: mid break just started. I know it's gonna pass by fast huh

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Through the rain

Things are never easy. Life is never easy. What can you do to make it feel at least a little bit easy?
Look up. Pray and just go through the hardest part. Because, when you learn to go through it, and just embrace every moment, even the hard ones. You'll learn to appreciate it.
just keep on praying you stay strong. Stay strong.
We can.
Believe it.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Not for a moment

Ikut kata hati mati. Ikut kata minda buntu. Apa mampu? Rindu ini Tuhan sahaja yang tahu. Apakan daya, semua ini dugaan. Ada tempat lagi ke nak pergi? Tak. Hanya pada Dia. Dugaan ini, nak tak nak aku kene go through gak. So. I divert my sadness here into words. My last piece of expressions. In return, I don't expect anything but a place to just spill here. To let people know, not of how I am weak. But to know that every piece of troubles they are going through. You are never alone.

p/s: Everyday, I'm fighting. You'll never know

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Ini hadiah saya.

Hidup saya rupa-rupanya dihiasi dengan pelbagai nikmat.
Ruginya saya sebelum ni, antara sedar tak sedar.
Such blessings are the presence of awesome and supportive people.

Lemme start w:

a) Family
- My late grandparents.
For the 20 years of my life. It was coloured w their presence in my life. From the small talks, pampering moments, advices, lectures. They have been apart of my 20 years, big part of my life. So when they go for real, jumpa dengan kekasih abadi mereka. There is a big hole, up till now, in my life. For 3 years up till now, their absence brings tears to my eyes. But for all I know, Allah is with them. I know they are closer to me always :')

- Brothers
Two brothers of mine. My only heroes. My slowly growing up boys. It's hard for me to see them getting bigger every day. Getting mature each day. I miss them being annoying. I miss them running to me for every help when they were small. But that is life. As I grow older, they became closer. Somehow they knew, I won't be hanging around longer around the house. God knows when am going, and only God knows when I'll be wed off to my partner (insya Allah). So they told me indirectly, to take my time not to wed off too early. :') By far, the sweetest. That is my 18 years old and 16 years old brother. Taching taw.

- Parents
They are the blessings that I will always be thankful of. Family. No family is perfect. But I am blessed w a family. Mother and father. For 23 years of life. They too realized am getting older. And being their only daughter, the first child. Things get a bit hard here and there. Mind you, am not so obedient child myself. I know. Bukan la nak kata saya ni anak derhaka (nauzubillah) cm kira boleh la tahan nakal ni haa. But they tried being the best always. So what more could I ask but for Allah to always bless them in every way imaginable. I am born lucky :') with such presence. Alhamdullilah

b) Relatives and Friends
-Si rakan-rakan.Saudara mara dekat mahupun jauh. Kalau nak namakan satu satu. Masya Allah. Berleret panjang la cita dia. Tapi generally, to all my friends, berkata sepatah dua, atau lebih atau spend time bersama. Anda semua, nikmat Tuhan berikan kepada saya. Kamu semua, guru saya yang terbaik. Ampun salah silap jika ada. Harap maklum, saya manusia biasa. Tapi saya bersyukur diberikan yang terbaik. Anda semua mengajar saya sedikit sebanyak. Your thoughts means so much to me. Terima kasih. :') I have nothing more to say, but semoga Allah membalas jasa anda. Setiap yang hadir, you have help me in ways I can't see. Dia yang Maha Mengetahui yg mengigtkan saya segalanya. Hanya Doa yang mampu saya beri :)

c) Kamu
- Kamu? Siapa? Oh siapa ? Ha. Ini biar jadi misteri saya. Tapi saya tahu, awak tahu, yang ini buat awak. Kehadiran awak, beyond expectation. Saya tak expect, sudah di sini kita :) Sekarang ini kita dalam perjalanan menuju ke hadapan. Your presence, is my blessings. Such turn of events, made me realize so many things. Awak, tiada apa yang saya mampu beri sekarang, kecuali doa untuk kita. Ya, jika ada tertulis oleh-Nya untuk kita, ada lah takdir kita bersama. For all these years, you're the best friend I will always look back for. And in the future, I'm hoping for the very best from Him to us. Your presence is a new presence that I will always remember. Saya nak awak tahu, despite everything, we're gonna make it through. Terima kasih awak. I'll keep counting the days and fill it with prayers. Amin :)

These are my blessings. Yang Shaf nampak. Yang tak nampak tu, I bet you there will be endless. Tak mampu nak cakap, dan saya manusia biasa. Tapi Tuhan berikan semua ini. So, everyone, remember your blessings and always be thankful. This year? I did not ask from any presents. Sebab selama ini, saya sudah diberi hadiah ini dalam hidup saya. Satu sahaja saya minta tahun ini. Semoga diberi nikmat ini berterusan sehingga ke akhir hayat saya dan sentiasa diberkati Allah SWT. Doakan saya dapat jejakkan kaki ke RumahNya satu hari nanti ye. I wish that will come true. Belum sampai, tapi hati ni terngiang2 nak pergi. Ah sudah la pagi2 ni. Panjang pula. Thank you everyone. :)

ps:always always. Look around and be grateful for blessings beyond your expectation :) Dia sayangkan kamu. Selalu.

Sudah dua tiga :)

Salam everyone and greetings!

After 3 days of my birthday, I just had the chance to reply all the wish given by wonderful people.
Alhamdulillah. I am blessed with such presence. No words could describe the feeling. I am surrounded by wonderful people. Maybe in the past, I would always count how many wishes I get. But now, it doesn't even matter. It's good to know, that people still remember, and have the time to type it at my timeline, or sent it through text, or make that call. or even tweeting it! That few seconds to me, when you guys type the wish, means more to me :')

Friends have been by my side. Through everything, and they have been the awesome support and kept wishing me the best for my birthday.

So yes. I am twenty-three years old. I am now considered as a woman :)
I am on my way to be a better person and insya Allah, always be a better muslimah.
I am blessed as I have lived this far. This long.
Pelbagai cabaran dah, tapi ini baru sedikit. Namun, Shafeena rasa bersyukur sangat diberi peluang mempelajari pelbagai ilmu, dan melalui pelbagai pengalaman.
It has made me mature, every step of the way. Blessed w supportive people along the way.

What am I expecting for this year?
Getting better and better every step of the way.
More smiles and insya Allah. Be one step closer every day to Allah :)

Again everyone. Thank you so much! Jazakallah! :)

p/s: Happy Birthday  :) To the arwah grandfather of mine. Thank you for giving me such beautiful name. I will always. Always. Miss you. Kita jumpa di alam sana. Al-Fatihah.