About Me

My photo
A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Scribbled Stories: Open Window

All I Want - Kodaline 

She looks out the window. For today, she sees the window to be more than a glass pane to let the breeze in. She stops to look out. For that one time, she looks outside and feel the breeze. She gaze to the outside world, far and deep. It is not really a magnificent view, just very much simple, with trees that have no flowers, with leaves that are aging holding on, and the sky that is barely blue. But there is a strong breeze, a strong wind. 
She is immersed in that outside world. 

For the years she stayed, she never bothered to glimpse or observe. She only opens the window, so she can breathe and let the breeze come into her room. Today, she sees the window more than just a pane of glass.

The trees are sometimes dancing, to the wind's direction. She sees the dance of life from where the wind blows. Sometimes, when the wind turns into a storm, she sees the trees as if defending themselves from falling. The harder the wind blows, the stronger the trees hold on to the ground, to stand tall. The leaves that hangs around will then fall one by one to the ground. The aging leaves, falls faster. But some of the aged ones, hold on strongly with the others, holding on to the time that it will fall down. 

She looks up, staring at the sky. There is not much she can see from her window. But that view of the sky she has, enough for her to see the clouds passing by. Looking at the clouds, like a flock of sheep walking. The fluffy clouds and sometimes you can see one tiny cloud, left behind. Sometimes, you can see the sky wearing the colour blue, but at times, its just the white sky. 

Here on the other side of the window, a girl looking out, staring at these creations, to the nature's melody, to the dances by the trees, to the movement of the clouds and the wide blue sky. She isn't only looking at nature. She is looking far beyond that. She realizes that outside window lies a reality. Lies a world she will go through every single day she steps out of the door. She thought deeply of every trees she has passed by, at thousands of places she has been to. From the trees in autumn to the trees in winter. From trees with leaves, to the ones with flowers. She knows for a fact, she passed by so many places that her feet has bring her to. Places where she discovers new experience, every single day of her life. 

The sky, witness her walk of life. The wide sky, that looks upon her life, her walks and her encounters. When the sky has the sun with it, it shines on her happy days.When the sky and clouds are together, it helps her to feel the warmth of the sun, with comfort. But when she's down, the raindrops fall to show that when she falls, the sky cries for her. The sky sees her walk of life. She is never alone.  

She realizes today for a fact. That today and the week to come, will be her final moments staying in this room. To look out at this window, that has been her sight for the past years. She will close the window, this final time and finally move out. Moving out and make new steps, to the outside world. She will no longer be the observer. She will be the walk of life. The one that makes the steps outside, along with the dances and melody. The fact that she will be with the outside world, scares her. 

What if falls down like the leaves, unable to hold on? 
What if she won't be able to dance as strong and as beautiful as the trees?
What if she's left behind the group of life, whom walk as one? 
Will she forever make raindrops on her ground? 

But for that one second, she thought, she needs to make that walk. She needs to step into that world. She's apart of that life. Like every other life, she lives for a purpose. She'll dance as beautifully as the trees. Like the trees, she will stand strong when the storm blows. Let the rain fall, because she will be walking as one with every clouds. Shine as bright as the sun. So when the wind blows, she will feel the life, for she is also part of the life, 'It's time' she said. 'It is time'. Time for her to make that walk. She looks back into her room, ready to pack up to leave, with a smile in her face. 

PS: Sometimes the world tells you so many things. There's no need for them to speak the language we speak. It's whether we want to listen to the melody, or whether we have time to observe. 

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Cerita Pendek : Mungkin?

Yes, laju juga aku bawak ni. But I leave everything behind the moment I got the call from Asyraf. Ye lah, mamat tu mana selalu nak call aku. Tetibe je call, and he urged me to come lepak at Platinum, Setapak tu. Which takes like what, 15 mins to 20 mins journey from where I am. I have no idea, kenapa aku sanggup drop away from my assignment, just to meet this guy. 

"Sheera, kau free tak? Aku nak ajak kau lepak ni" said Asyraf, dalam suara dia yang seumpama stutter nak sebut perkataan tu.
"Aku free kot. For real la kau ajak lepak? Whats the catch boy?"
"Nothing. I just wanna see you. It's been long since we have a lepak session between us?" kata Asyraf. Weird thing is, we never have a lepak session. Usually it's the sort of hang out session dengan geng. 
"We never had a lepak session Asyraf. So the long part, is really like, erm.. never?"
"Okay fine. Let's have one tonight. Jom. I tak kerja besok. It's on me tonight. Jom la Sheera. Ingat senang ke I nak ajak keluar"
"Fine. I see you at 9pm"
"Lamanya, make it early la girl"
"Don't want. I nak tunggu you ajak I, takes ages. Suh tunggu pukul sembilan pun da mengeluh. Okay see you later boy"

That was pretty much our conversation. So here I am rushing towards our first lepak session. Fine. Aku panic, nak pakai apa, cause all these while, I don't think much of what to wear. I decided to go for something laid back after 30 minutes of looking at the wardrobe. Fine. Lama la jugak. So here I am, looking for that coffee shop, where Asyraf is waiting for me. 

So what is the deal dengan this boy? It's a big deal to me. He's my what if. He's my close friend, the one I pour my annoying moments and well, when I have problems, I run to him for advice. But I never ever, have that guts to spill it to him, how much he means to me. Bukan sebagai sahabat, but maybe more than that. It's been years since we keep on playing games with each other, bak kata orang, main tarik tali, but all I can think of is the fact that I am the only one pulling this. Oh shit, that's Asyraf. Breathe Sheera. Breathe. It's only a lepak session. Oh darn, dia da nampak kau, dia da wave, okay move it. Move it.

"Finally you came. Lamanya I tunggu" Asyraf sambut aku, like the gentleman he is, and waits for me to be seated then he follow suit. 
"I didn't ask you pun lama tunggu. Anway, thank you for waiting. Memang jauh betul you ajak I lepak ye"
"It's now or never kan. I told you I'll be here Sheera"
He draws that smile on his face. I hate that smile, I hate it. Sebab apa? Sebab I fall for it everytime. Aku akan marah kalau dia buat aku suka dia. Sebab I know I can't have him. We chat as a start. I noticed he is wearing spectacles for the first time. Make him look more, cute? No? Okay No. No more nonsense la. He's not gonna be yours Sheera. Why bother. Our conversation is lovely. It is going on fine, till I realize the fact that, I am being cold with him. My respond is mainly in a sarcastic tone. My heart ache everytime he makes me smile or happy. Aku tak patut rasa macam ini. The pain or heart ache is like doing something you love, but getting hurt along the way. I look down halfway through our lepak session, which then I turn quiet for a few minutes.

"Well you turn quiet suddenly, whats the deal princess?"
I hate when he calls me that, it just makes me fall for him more, but the pain of him being not mine is just, unbearable. Does he really mean it? Or memang dia sweet macam tu? 
"Do you have something to say?" I asked him. Raut muka Asyraf bertukar. Puzzled. He gives me a confused look. 
"I mean. jarang you nak ajak I lepak. Whats the deal suddenly, ada benda ke you nak bagitahu I?" I asked again the same question. He smile and shook his head, meaning to say, he has nothing important to say. 

I flashed a smile to him, while continue eating my last bit of dessert. I keep looking at my food. Playing around with it. This situation, is even worse than us lepaking with the gang. It is not awkward, but rather I feel a pain in the heart, a non-stop stabbing pain. My heart keeps on screaming, if there is a soundtrack untuk background situation time ni, aku nak mainkan lagu Adele - Make You Feel My Love. Sometimes I take a peek, looking at him. I remember the way he smile, always, the way he adjust his spectacles, of the time he make lame jokes, putting effort nak cheer me up, because he knows my silence meant something somewhere, I am in a sad mood. Finally, kitaorg habis makan, I am still very much quiet, but I start to talk. Halfway through I realize, if he's not gonna be mine, might as well aku treasure this moment dapat lepak with him. I wont know bila lagi dapat lepak this close with him. Unlike the usual phone calls, or chatting, we settle down, finally, to a one on one lepak session. Which happens like, once in a blue moon. So we walk towards our parking spot, dia menjadi gentleman, dia pon well, escort aku ke kereta. I hate to say goodbye but, I am at the car already, beratnya hati nak say goodbye. Can something please happen? Some miracle please, give me time with him. If I can't have him, let me spend time with him just being his friend, this close friend.

"Not this miracle" aku tercakap kuat pula. Asyraf duduk dari tepi pintu kereta aku yang tak tertutup, datang dekat pada aku. 
"What happened? What miracle sheera?"
Aku speechless. Panic kejap. Kereta aku tak boleh nak start enjin. Simbol battery menyala. After a few minutes of inspection, turns out my car is out of battery. Aku nak panggil tow truck, ni da malam, mana ada yang bukak. Okay, i was hoping for a miracle. Not in this way. Aku pun frustrated sebab, my one time lepak session turns horrible. 

"Sheera. Leave the car la. Meh I hantar you balik. Its not far pun, I can deal with it. I da drive jauh dari ni. Besides, nak panggil tow truck pun mahal la time camni. besok we deal with your car okay. i tak kerja pun besok. i temankan you. jom?"aku pun terdiam and nod my head slowly to show aku takde choice but head back to his car.

As I enter his car, I seriously feel like breaking down. I should've just treasure the memory dari awal. not halfway through baru nak sedar, this is one time lepak session. Now da jadi apa dah. What if after this, he finds a girl, this lepak thing will never happen again? Aku akan jadi pendengar cerita cinta dia, while on my side, I feel the hurt and aching pain to hear that he is happy with another. Like that never happened before, well it did happened. Enduring it was a pain I cannot go through it again. Not again. Both of us are very much single now, but none of us said a thing. Well, I didn't because I can't bare to lose him. I would rather hurt and be hurt with this situation dari lose him in my life. So, during the journey, again, aku terdiam. Asyraf asyik toleh ke arah aku. Agaknya, dia da start risau aku terlalu diam and well, obviously there is a frown in my face. 

"Sheera, you do know its pretty obvious you tengah miserable over something. Care to share with me? Da lama juga la I perhati ni. I am always here to listen you know that" 
Pergh, aku dengar ayat ni, ada yang banjir juga kereta Civic ni kang. Aku nak cakap. I really want to. I feel like bursting to tell and scream to his face. 
"So any girls you find interesting Asyraf? You seem like you nak kejar a girl. Who is it?"
Ternampak la muka Asyraf terkejut aku tanya soalan tu. He gives me a grin and just continue to drive.
"Well Sheera. Nobody really. Kalau ada pun, she won't look my way. It's always been like that"
Aku terus sentap. Rasa macam nak banjirkan sekarang juga kereta ni. I hold back the tears. Asyraf continues to talk back of how he feels it would be nice to have someone who understands him. My heart is responding to his every words, I wish I am the one that could show him that there is someone who wants to care for him. To stand by him when everything else fails him. To just laugh out on silly things, and to know when everything sucks, aku ada. I wanna be the girl, that stays with him through, everything.
I keep quiet, sebab sekarang, and dari dulu, everytime we talk on the phone and everything that we share, when he is down, I am the girl, in a form of a ghost, whom hug him from a far, to show that when he's in pain. I feel it too. 

"Well, see, told you kejap je kalau I hantar you. Ni da sampai da rumah you. By the way, are you sure you are okay?"
I looked at him, quite longer than usual. I swear my tears were holding up. I can see him da kaku kat situ. Terkejut mungkin, sebab aku macam nak nangis. Aku tunduk dan look away. Shook my head, saying nothing is wrong. 
"Sheera, I can't bare to see you this way. You've been really quiet. Meh la cita"
Aku teragak. This is my chance. Aku boleh je buat cerita drama kat sini. Tell him that I love him, more than a friend, kalau dia suka, aku jadi lucky. kalau tak suka, nangis, dan lepas tu, tutup pintu kereta. Well cerekarama enough that scene. 

"I like a guy Asyraf. I really really like him. It hurts me to like him but I can't do a single thing just to tell him I like him. It hurts me to see him sad, but I can't be that girl who is gonna make him smile. I love the way he makes me love him more, for all the effort he tries to make me smile. I am in pain, my heart aches Asyraf. I suka dia. I don't see him as a boyfriend. I imagine him to be forever in my life. Apa I nak buat Asyraf. My heart aches every single time I look at him"
Tears came along to every sentence I uttered to him. He just stares at me, and nothing. He looks directly at me, attentively listening. I had to close my face, of course la aku embarrased with the fact aku membanjirkan kereta Civic dia dengan air mata aku. Damn it, aku tak nak berdrama kat sini. 

"Who's the guy Sheera? Why don't you just tell him? Kenapa you takut sangat? Don't let your heart ache more"
Aku frust bila dia tanya macam tu. I think its better aku blah masuk rumah sambung nangis. I'll forever be the ghost in love with him. 
"I just can't Asyraf. It's not as easy. I tak boleh nak go through it anymore" He looks away, and look down. He didn't say a word.
"I am so sorry. I think I better go. Thanks Asyraf for sending me back. I am really sorry, I didn't mean to cry in your car. Besok I can go with my brother to take my car. Thanks again dude"

He looks at me, clumsily searching for my house keys in my handbag. I heard him stutter few words, but aku terlalu sibuk nak keluar dari kereta. I open the door and wave goodbye. Aku baru nak tutup pintu kereta, dia start bukak tingkap kereta. My eyes are still red, but I force a smile as I see him smile. 
"You know, you suck looking like that. Not pretty at all"
aku membara gak la dengar but, he sucks at jokes. I just smile, because it is him.
"Sheera, nak tanya"
aku berat hati nak stay by situ. I want to continue crying. I raised my eyebrows waiting for him to ask. 
"Is the guy me? Because if he is, I am very much an asshole for not realizing it all this while, and for hurting the one person I care the most, and that it takes ages and courage for me to even say this to you", miind you, he didn't say it flawlessly. He stutters most of the time. Trying to look as if he is cool with it. 

Mata aku terkebil-kebil dengar, I swear my jaw dropped sebab tak tahu apa nak respond. I continued to cry but this time with a smile. 
"Here, amik la tissue ni, wipe it off. I get your answer. I don't wanna hurt you anymore. Go inside. I'll call you lepas ni. I wanna make sure my girl is okay"
He smiles. I smile and we parted ways. 

p/s: The first part to this story is called "Cerita Pendek: Kita Kawan kan?" Hope you guys enjoy. I just did it because the idea came suddenly. hehe. 

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Frozen with Magic!

Do You Want to Build a Snowman? - OST Disney Frozen

The heat of the winter season, it is Disney's Animated Movie, Frozen! 
I fall in love with this movie that I just have to give a review on this. Heard from a numerous amount of people that it is very good. When I asked how good is, or at least what is good about that movie, most of em said, "It is really good!" or "Best best!"
So here is my idea of what is so good about this movie. 
Yes, I promise not to spill out spoilers for this movie. 

I'll list out in points so it wont be a long essay review, and I keep track of what am listing. 

So what is so good about this movie? 
  • I praise (endlessly) on the graphic that Disney used for this movie. BEAUTIFUL! I kept going "WOAH" and felt like I was a kid again, amazed by every single detail of how magical it is. They made the details so pretty especially the scene of 'Let It Go' sang by Princess Elsa. The ice sculpture, so pretty! AH all I can say, its pretty, pretty, pretty all the details I can see it! Magical fits the description. I tell you, the animation team did not just sit at their chairs and draw, they went very far and very detail and particular on the graphic. I read that they even went to Norway and Canada to make everything alive. Kid you not. Go google. 

  • The musical score, Oh-My-Gosh. Amazing to my ears! Tremendous score. I love it love it! There's a pinch of traditional folk sort of music and instruments used (of what I googled and as I remembered, wiki said Norway folk songs?) and mixed of Disney's classics era and modern spin. Long have I heard such nice and lovely score since the old days of Disney's glorious classics day, which come from either Disney's Princess Movies or Lion King. The Lopez couple, Robert and Kristen Anderson, alongside Christope Beck did a wonderful job in creating the melodious songs. Bravo!

  • I have to warn you, it is full of musical. Yes, most of the part, they sing a lot. To those who got used to Disney's cartoon, (the ones produced in the present time) being not musical, this one is, well full of it. But don't worry! They have nice musical scenes which in the end, I keep on repeating again and again numerous times (countless on repeats I must say!) on my playlist.

  • The plot : 
    • Well the story is based on Hans Christan Andersen's 'The Snow Queen'. But I say, don't expect it to be as gruesome as Andersen's (well it's Disney, what do you expect?) I love the fact that the creative writers manage to do such justice to the movie storyline (Read: movie storyline, like really the movie) and it's no typical Disney Princess as we see. There's a reality reflecting to it, through the valuable lessons that the writers manage to insert it into the movie. (Hint: I will still try not to spoil it. I told you I wont, I wont. I WON'T!) Okay no. Hahahah (okay this is weird) 
    • Anyway, I like the fact that nobody falls in love with a stranger at first sight (Like the previous Princesses) and that love that saves the day, is not true love first's kiss, but the real definition of love. I love the fact they made it close to reality. (see told you I wont spoil it, in a way I didn't)

  • The fact that there are no BIG celebrity names that are voicing the characters, so the story really focus on the characters. Seriously Kristen Bell didn't ring a bell to me when I saw the credits. But you will start to be very curious who voiced these characters. They are splendid voice overs to the characters, and they brought them all to life. 

  • Forget about spotting Rapunzel and Flynn, because I got so caught up with Anna, I didn't realize it. (unless you have a friend who watched the movie, then he/she can spoil it to you and both of you will end up being all excited and amazed, just the two of you, really, while the others staring at you guys weirdly)

  • I just love Olaf and Sven. Yes, the innocence trait in these characters really made the story more fun and enjoyable. 

  • Because the producer is John Lasseter, people, it is LASSETER. (okay fine, you guys don't know him, here who he is) The Director of Toy Story, A Bug's Life, and The Producers (and executive Producer) to movie such as Finding Nemo, The Incredibles and now Frozen. Why Lasseter again? Because he is damn good in his job, and he knows. He just knows, that is why he now the Chief Creative Officer at Pixar and Walt Disney Animation Studios. He is a LEGEND in animation. are you kidding me? (yes now you know the fun fact on Lasseter. the icon of mine on animation, okay enough)

Okay am done with the review. it could or can be endless! But I think these are solid reasons why you wont waste your money and tickets on this movie. For a big fan of Disney's movie (especially Disney's classics), this brings justice to all my years of waiting, and Frozen really waken my five year old self. This is the best movie for this year coming from Disney. I have high expectation on the cartoons produced by Disney, this time, this one really reach my expectations. Again, I am highlighting the fact, this is my type of cartoon. So you bitter people stop pointing the imperfections on this movie. I JUST LOVE IT!

Okay. Now go buy your tickets. 
Just buy it for gosh sakes. 
I will indulge in the soundtracks for now, missing the movie.
Ratings? A solid 8/10.
For other ratings, you guys can search for Rotten Tomatoes and IMDB. They gave high ratings too!

p/s: Everyone has a bit of Anna and Elsa in their life. And I know I have em too.

Saturday, December 7, 2013


Big bad wolf is killing me.
I am procrastinating on doing my assignments.
I have 8 pending short stories without an ending. Yes I haven't done justice to my writings.

Friday, December 6, 2013

How was your study years?

Carry On (Acoustic) - Fun

So technically, I am left with exactly two weeks of classes. Despite the assignments, events, presentations and everything. I am being very sentimental in every step I make towards ending my semester, no wait, ending my undergraduate years. Funny to say, I actually look forward for this in the past years. But I never imagined it to be, sort of, this fast. Truth be told, I am not ready for the end of it. I am not ready for January. 
I know I will be walking each step, next week feeling very sentimental. 

For some, they might wonder why I am being so over the top of ending my undergraduate years. Some just didn't even bother to feel as sentimental as I do. Well, I do care of the moment I end my years here. Here is where I learn that friends are the ones that share laughter, happiness, sadness and just about everything. Here is where 

I learn to fall and stand back up, NUMEROUS, times, but whenever I stand back up, am always okay.

I learn to search and understand myself better than ever, and looking at myself now, I am happy to know am a-okay

I learn that you can never be the person that everyone love, but that doesn't have to bring you down, as long as you believe that there is good in everything you do and that just seeing the smiles in everyone faces is enough to put you through the day

I learn that no matter how you think you suck in everything you do, you can just find any crazy way to just pick that up and tell yourself, heck this is piece of cake. No matter what crazy way you can think of.

and most importantly,

I came here not knowing what I really wanna be, what I can really find, 
and today, am happy and grateful to know, where I am now is where my past self will be proud of. I didn't get all those over the top achievements, but I gain a sense of self. I know myself better, I understand myself better and I found Him (read : God) along the way. When I found Him, everything else always, always falls into place. 

I am one lucky human being, for being where I am now. I know I am lucky to be here, it's not about my campus being the islamic campus or what not, but its rather me appreciating every moment of life that I went through, because each and every moment or level of life, taught me so many things. Hence, why I am emotional ending my semester. I found myself in these level of life, I treasure every step I made here and it made me who I am today. God knows, what is gonna happen next, but at least, when people ask me,

How was your study years?

I know my answer will be a smile and endless thankful and grateful thoughts for going through that memorable part of life. So for this end, I carry on with the memories I created here. I will definitely miss every single thing in this campus, in the past four years, no matter how sucky, how hurtful, how bad it was. In the end, you will always remember the smiles and happiness. Who in the world takes a picture of a bad moment? It will always be for the good moment. And that picture is what I will keep with me :)

p/s: We are young. And go brighter than the sun. 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Just tonight

Tonight of all nights. I became human. I recalled every bit of my memory. I feel every pain I felt. 
Tonight like all human. I feel lonely, but only God is with me through it all. Looking at me crying, and feeling the pain I felt. Tonight, I let myself remember how it feels like to fall down, and to now be where I am. 

P/s: I miss everything but I do not wish to repeat it.

Memori malam ini

Malam ini,
hati aku terusik,
air mata menjadi teman,
ku tenung ke arah bintang,
menyingkap perasaan dulu,
malam ini,
aku ditemani puisi dahulu

Malam ini
bukan seperti malam lain,
malam ini
seumpama malam yang dahulu,
bila kita berkata melalui hati
membalas ucapan melalui tulisan
malam ini
hati aku terusik
sekaligus minda membisik
"memori ini kah aku rindu?"

Malam ini,
aku ditemani hujan
tapi bukan hujan yang di luar
yang di dalam,
dalam diri seorang wanita
yang kini merenung kembali
memori di kala remaja
memori di kala puisi
adalah kata-kata mereka
di kala memori itu memberi inspirasi
mengungkap apa terkubu di minda dan hati

tapi malam ini
dia menangis
kerana terkenang
apa yang menjadi memori dahulu
hanya mampu menjadi memori
tiada lebih.
tiada lagi.

malam ini
aku menyingkap memori
namun begitu
memori itu kekal menjadi memori

P/s: Catching Snowflakes - Pixie Lott.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Denial Moments

To be honest, I refuse to blog here. 
I am still very much in my denial state. I have less than 7 weeks left here. Semenjak belajar dekat sini, tak penah la hai aku mintak sem ini ada masa lagi. This semester is going by TOO FAST.

On the other hand, I am suffering myself with, ehem :

1) World Literature : 
3 Novels to be read in the next 3 weeks. YEAP novels. Followed by 5 pages assignment and 1 major presentation on *gulp* Rokeya's THREE HUNDRED, as in this number, 300 pages. Thank God it is a pair work. Masih pair pon 150 pages sorang.

2) Written Communication for Organization 
One research proposal which we receive at the eleventh hour, at a short duration of time. Mind you, we have to be VERY SPECIFIC on this particular research. I feel my head ripping apart from my body. OH GOODNESS. We only have less than 4 weeks to be over and done with this. AH SURPRISE. This subject's exam will be decentralized, meaning, aku akan menghadap final exam subject dulu sebelum yang lain *pengsan la ni jugak*

3) Muslims and Media Society
One research on Malay's Drama and the influence on audience something2. I forgot the full title. I have no issues with this as I am having fun w my awesome groupmates and it is a challenging yet fun topic

4) Malaysian and Singaporean Literature
I will be presenting on Shirley Lim (YEAY) no sarcasm really. i love her work. And on Karim Raslan. Pair work. But all this to be done within 4 weeks. AH THE LOVE FOR LITERATURE

all and all. I am to be done with 3 of these subjects deadline in FOUR weeks. erti kata masa dah tak menyebelahi aku. Guess lah apa yang aku excited sangat ni?

The fact that i am ENJOYING. seriously la aku tengah enjoy nak buat assignment ni walaupun otak ni da depress sangat sampai aku duk tengok The Blacklist more than am doing my work. 
This is called a withdrawal symptom,wait, pre-withdrawal symptom. Why?


too much memories :( but life must go on. So literally despite all the work, most of my batchmates are more worried of ending our semester than the assignments. Rasanye sebab suma da terbiasa dapat kerja selonggok. Mind you, seguni at the last minute, so kitaorg da tak heran. *FUYOO, berlagak tak sudah. Berzikir jap*

So yeah. Aint funny huh. But before I end this, I have no regret saying this but, I will always love these moment that I am a proud student of UIAM. Not once have I regret stepping my foot here. Terlalu banyak benda this uni has taught me. I will cry on my last day of examination. But for now, the journey needs to begin. HA motip sangat da week ke brapa baru nak begin. kbai. I need to finish that novels. Lemme immerse in these withdrawal feeling balik okay. 


Datang woi datang!
iklan jap. bai!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


I need to start think and write at the same time. I kept thinking what to say and forget to type it out later. So it seems like am not thinking what to write.

bummer. what am I talking bout? -_-

so I have issues to talk about. and one short story to talk about. lets make this happen

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

That page

Today I said hello to an old friend.
at this moment I am grateful to Allah for having this chance to greet and be greeted back by a hello.
There's one person you just want to keep close because of the memories and smiles. and am happy it is that old friend of mine :)

Thank you old friend.
For many wisdoms, for many supports.

Friday, September 13, 2013

First week? NAH

So many things to blog on.
So little time!
Will be back like. Once I have a time to breathe.


Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Final One

5 days till semester starts. 
Yeap. Bermaksud, hari Isnin adalah tarikh keramat (keramat cm besau sangat tanda metafora dia), mulanya final semester for my undergraduate years. Seriously, am having mixed feelings.

1) Happy
Because tamat sudah la perjalanan 4 tahun (yes, aku tak amik medicine ye tapi EMPAT tahun harungi degree years). Mainly it's because I only have foundations (no diploma) and I am minoring in Communication. So the duration of study memang cukup-cukup empat tahun. With all the you-must-take-got-no-choice-but-to-take elective subjects if not, tak grad la kan cita dia. 

2) Sad
Because, it means, no more student life. Do you know how sad I am? No sleeping late. No lepak session tengah buat assignment. Takde maknenye nak tido dalam kelas lagi dah. No more deadlines. No more hanging out by the riverside kat HS. Oh God Student life is the best. I know this cause I taste a sip of working life. Which am very thankful I have a chance to go through student life, one more time. 

3) Scared
Because, I saw how working life is. I am not sure where I will be. (Yet I know what I wanna be). I wish I can be that lucky person who got lucky twice, cause seriously my internship environment, was so nice. But I am not sure if you can be lucky twice. Tu rezeki Tuhan bagi, kalau bagi lagi, syukur yang amat. 

4) Confused
Because, I don't know exactly, whether I am working next year, or will I be continuing for postgraduate studies. I am still very much.. 50-50 on that. 

Yeap pretty much that scary feelings. Wait bukan. Mix feelings. Tak macam abc la cita dia sebab abc rasanya manis dan sedap. mix ni rasa dia cm banyak negative je. Okay. Sumpah. 
Lawak yang lame dan paling tak sedap dibaca.
Tukar topik. 
Whatever it is am anticipating to start the semester. Banyak benda nak buat. Banyak memori nak cipta balik. Banyak benda nak dilakukan. Am gonna make it worth it and memorable insya Allah. 

Faces to anticipate : Will be seeing these crazy people
So. Let's start it!
Wait. Sementara ni. Nak berehat jap. Merasa time takde assignment. Buat lek luuuuuuuuuh.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Tanam anggur day 1.

It is third of September. I am now unemployed. Which means I have been off from work for erm..
One. day.
Okay over sangat.
Macam da menganggur for like ages. Padahal. Okay back to the topic. What have I done for the past 3 days of not working. Well.. Pretty much qada' tido la kan. Tapi masalahnye, takde nak qada sangat la kalau biological clock da terbiasa bangun at 6ish am and sleep at 12ish am. So I sleep like an adult sebab da tak mampu nak bangun and go all 'the night is still young'. Well the night is, but am pretty much a 23 years old erm. lady. 

Jadinyaaa, I am happily waiting for the new semester to start. Yes. Tiada unsur sarkastika mahupun perli. Jujur ikhlas datang dari hati. Work made me miss student life, like A LOT. Tadi menjejakkan kaki kat yuyaiyei untuk meeting. Perasaan hiba menyelubungi diri umpama diselimut atap biru yuyaiyei bersama sungai teh tarik nan luas. Gitew kau. Over sangat gambaran. But seriouslah, rindu sangat. Rindu saat tido dalam kelas (abaikan moment ini), rindu lepak di HS square, rindu makan roti canai dan minum teh ais mamak sehengget dua poloh sen. I am very thankful that, I have one more semester left. Dan sementara masih ada masa, aku nak berhangan muda konon macam baru masuk uni. Konon taw. Tapi ic tetap 23. Berhangan tak sudah Sepina.

While I might seem happy with classes going to start soon (ah suma ni dusta kara, sat lagi sampai assignment dengan deadline suma, aku meroyan lagi over). I miss my internship place :( I miss it a lot. I got so used to it that it feels awkward to wake up on Monday tak pergi keje. To not cross the road kat simpang KLCC tu. To not flash my harian id to open the door to the office. To not have that lunch group and makan kat Warung Kak Jee. Banyak la to not to not. I really miss it. But overall experience, I rate it as wonderful! Ha gitew. Konon sampai motto wonderology la kan. But seriously it does. That is one experience worth saving in my mind. I met new people, made new friends, found new experience and went through amazing journey as a future me (dalam masa 3 bulan je).  But rasa cm da berzaman. 

So here, this, is for the people I met at Petrosains. Yes. I made memories, wonderful one with them. Especially from my department, you awesome people know who you are. Thank you for your awesome time, thank you for teaching me that work isn't so scary after all. Bless you people for being ever so awesome. I don't think I can find the same environment like I did with you guys. Deeply missing my spot at work and all the people around. I truly work hard and play hard :) 

okay. cut short and lets make it simple

Rasa cm nak sepak lelaju je diri sendiri
Terima kasih. And I will always miss you guys :)

p.s: I will remember. Always.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

That 'Lucky'

3 years ago. I learned, within that 3 years. Love gives so many patience to one, that eventhough it is a one way road. I learned that you can wait that far and that painful when love is at the end of the road. But then, that road put me on halt. So many pains. So many tears just waiting for something I thought it will be. 

At that moment, I lost hope that maybe, love wasn't meant to be.
But at that very time, God is great, He let me know that my wait wasn't for nothing. He lead me to show a person who went beyond my sight. I kept looking at the wrong one, the furthest one, when actually I overlook at this one boy, whom was by my side. He is and still near to me up to this very moment. But previously, I kept searching away, it's not that I ignore him. No, but it was more of, he wasn't the man I thought would want me cause he has everything. I well... am just me.

But that boy came just in time. Just in time where it is right. Where I saw, his patience, double of mine. He stayed with me, through my emotional wreckage. Through my annoying moments. Through my ups and down. Still is, he is my best friend. It's been a year and more since that wreckage of waiting at that one way road. That past has gone. But I met a new path, this one meant for me to wait just like I did. But this time around, it is sure. Only we're waiting for the best time to be where we both want to be. This time around, patience is tested, for so many things, but this time around, I am not alone. 

And so I learned, that 3 years of waiting meant for this wait. But am not the only one waiting. God is always there, watching, hearing and always always just. He knows just when is right, never too late, never too early, it is always that one moment. Both of us could've just start what we start now 5 years ago, within that 5 years we known each other. But God knew better. So we grow apart to know ourselves better, before we meet again, but at that different path. So here we are, waiting for our moment. 
I told him, he will always be my best friend. My support. And here we are, praying for our very best, doing our very best. To stay strong. Insya Allah. It doesn't get easier. But I always believe, when it does, we'll be the happiest. 

Thank you for always being there when I fall. Thank you for always reminding me God is with me. Your presence is my gift from Him. :)

p/s: That Lucky song we have. Always.

Mercun dum dam

Assalamualaikum and hello people!

Pretty much blurred now. And no, blurred lines songs have no connections to this post. Okay, lawak hambar. So this is like the 10th? or the 11th syawal. Syawal this year is pretty normal. But I guess, it's true what they said, as you grow older, you sort of feel the vibe lost with your age. Things starts to become dull, and seriously, rindu zaman yang I was so excited with every house trips and just receiving duit raya. Plus, at this age, banyak of the older generations either have return to meet Him. Or ada yang dah tak berdaya or not as fit as a fiddle as they were. I once recalled memories with a friend of mine, how much we missed that excitement we once had, that moment where we just as excited to receive duit raya, eat kuih raya, pakai baju baru and all so cute and pretty, lari satu rumah with our cousins. Now, pretty much few salams, take pictures, then anti-social moments by updating at the social medias, then makan, then either sleep or watch tv.

Oh God. Bosan -_-
Less the excitement.
But all and all. that is what we called life lah kan? Apa mau buat.
This year, I don't enjoy raya as much, cause by the 5th Syawal, I was up and on track at work. Praktikal lagi kan? So I was beraya-ing at the office. But it was good. Plus the raya mood has taken all of the people in my department, so there was raya songs, then they started to decorate the office. I loveeeeeeeeeeeeee the fact that they are so excited and to see them excited, I feel theirs too. Duit raya? Ya I still got it, since am still studying, but the feel is not the same. Instead I feel guilty dapat duit raya instead of giving it at this age. Oh God, sumpah rasa da tua. To be honest, am actually anticipating to get married, of that time nak raya with husband lah. Lepas tu, raya with new baby. Eh wah eh wah. Fast forward sangat kan? No. it's freakin the truth. Just because I am 23. I am not young. WHY LA. no I am not. So it's pretty legit to think about that.

Yeah itu je la pun. What I always try to do everyday for this syawal? Embrace it while I still can. Oh well. dah. Pagi2 bangun terus blog. Perangai sangat taw wanita. LOLs. Raya pictures? ehehe. Nothin much but I will leave you with this one favourite picture that we took. Yeap my family went back to Batu Pahat for raya. I think it was still as lovely as it is :) But it was sad, knowing that one after another, our cousins are wed off. Tinggal gitu je la. Ah apa mau buat, hidup ma. Jalan sahaja.

Still. Raya is raya so I will end this with a wish of Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri :)
Oh and don't forget puasa 6 for this Syawal. Puasa la tak rugi apa pun. Instead you gain His love more and insya Allah, it will be a blessing filled with every greatness.

Friday, August 16, 2013

So long not good night

It's been a month. I am on hiatus.
Exactly a month?
So here's to a new post. Okay. Seriously hard to maintain a post every day. Jangan cakap everyday. Every week pon susah la hai. So what shall I blog now?

Pretty much about...
I have no clue. I just feel like clicking. So I will.
It's august. Times flies fast. Yet in the midst of this, sometimes things move slowly and so difficult times comes more often

I wish I can breathe out a long and VERY LONG AND LOUD sigh. But life's not worth that sadness. So. We just accept it and try to move forward. Amma type in a laid back manner now. Right after this post.

Sunday, July 14, 2013


There will be at that point of life, the world decides to go against you. You fall level by level. First, you feel the hurt. Then you fall to the knees. Followed by falling straight, weakless then worse, hopeless to the ground. There you are, at that battlefield, no one to turn to, no one to reach, no one to hold. All you have is strength, hope and faith. The second passed, your sight is fading, heart is beating, beat, by beat, beat, by beat. You can't die cause death is not written. You are forced to brave through the wounds, pain and suffering.

This moment is when you learn, to force to brave to write, what is unwritten. You learn to crawl, to kneel, to stand. No you don't walk as fast, nor even run. Crippling through the path to recovery. Even time won't heal the pain. You heal yourself. You train yourself. To be heartless, stronger, and vengeful. To avenge not the vengence of hatred. But rather your self's dignity, pride and honour. What's left of you, is what makes you stand tall.

This point, is where you learned to live and move forward to write the unwritten. One sword, one sight. One fight and with The One next to you.
Live and let be, may you heal with honor.

Monday, May 13, 2013

These True Words of mine

Salam readers :)

May you be in good health and smiling always.

One week left till this semester ends. Time flies very fast. I was ranting how I wish January can pass by fast. Well. What did you know. It's May already. Two more weeks, marks half of the year. I am starting to look back. Looking back of the past 3 years, how I've grown, change, and went through hardships that I fell, stand, walked and now running. I stop at this pace to look back of my undergraduate years. I have one semester left. It hasn't grip me yet. But I know it will be emotional. As much as I rant, cry and temporarily dislike certain point of life here, I know I am smiling now, as it let me be who I am now.

I continue to grow, in many aspects. The people that came, the memories that being shared. I am blessed.
Enough said. 
I love the way life brings everything you thought you can't go on. But here you are, standing strong.
I will continue to write despite the fact that I will be ending my studies soon. but know that, this writings or scribbles is not only meant for me, but for everyone to know, that you are not alone.
Through every hardship, there is always sunshine. Look up. Look only to Him. He is always there. If you have faith in Him and only Him. It goes far :)

Oh. Today? Marks one year :) Of a presence I will always treasure. Another gift from God. May we stay strong till the day comes. I keep praying for our future. Thank you. For Endlessly believing in me. 

So here I say, keep believing. I'm here with you guys, through my words, through my scribbles.

Sunday, May 5, 2013


Salam readers.

In this hype of election, here I am typing this. 3 hours passed since the result of GE13 started. So many unexpected and expected wins here and there. As usual I don't watch news, cause, honestly, banyak cakap. Malas nak dengar, I prefer to see statistics and numbers to which Parliament and DUN the party has won. And so, methods of me obtaining such information? Internet. Websites. Facebook and Twitter.

Ah technology.
Simply magnificent.
Here's the thing
Technology brings the negative side of a human being IF and only IF, humans do not control themselves and use it for their personal interest.

This is what I am disappointed about. For GE13, I see soo many maki, fights here and there, RACISM? tak payah nak elaborate la rasanya. Bersepah. Okay that is, considered 'normal'. Tapi lagi sedih? Muslims sesama Muslims. Bermaki. Bertekak. Fitnah. Kita pula berbalah? This GE13 open my eyes. To where we are now. Honestly, I'm scared. Looking at how we are trying to be 'together'. But 'together' with our own 'parties'. No. It shouldn't be that way. We should unite. Stand together as brothers and sisters. Sedih tatkala tengok, kulit Melayu, nama Melayu. Agama? Please, don't tell me you are Christian? Bermaki dengan individu yang sama dengannya, hanya kerana bercanggah pendapat. 

Tell. Me. Something is wrong somewhere huh?
So here is my say for GE13. No matter what is the results. Which party wins. 
That is not the only thing we need to improve.
Sebelum nak baiki Malaysia. Kita yang Muslims ni. Perbaiki diri kita dan juga hubungan kita dengan saudara kita sendiri. It saddens me to see such fights. Sometimes, yang bertekak itu, di antara kawan-kawan saya. 
Sekarang ini, apa nak jadi, kita tawakal. 
Kita dah berdoa agar diberi petunjuk siapa yang mampu mengalaskan amanah mereka dengan baik.
Kita dah berusaha mengundi dengan pilihan masing-masing.
Sekarang, kita tawakal dengan kuasa Allah SWT. Supaya hadir keputusan yang terbaik buat negara kita. Insya Allah.

Oh ya
There are ways, to debate.
Ajak pergi kedai kopi,
sorang mungkin order milo, sorang lagi order kopi
tak apa. Duduk, cerita pendapat masing-masing, tukar pandangan
Apa dia ckp, respect, apa dia cakap terima. Give and take.
Bukan relationship je nak give and take

How I wish sometimes, these websites don't exists,
sebab lagi maju kita, lagi senang kita berbalah
Don't you think so? :)
Jadi. Take a step back, think, after this GE13.
Ayuh bangkit,
bukan UBAH kerajaan/parti/selanjutnya
tapi UBAH diri kita sebagai Muslim dan jaga hubungan kita, antara satu sama lain.

Wouldn't that be a lovely thing to do? :)
May Allah bless us in this journey :)

Jazakallah my friends for reading. & May the best results help us with our future.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Ini biasalah!

 Salam and hello readers !
Okay. One month of welll, not blogging. Almost one month. 
So today. Here I am posting something. Haven't thought of what to post as I am typing this. But I got the vibe as I am erm..typing all of this. 

How's life?

Well it can be even tasteless. Overall. I am pretty much packed. I only have time to sleep, eat and catch up with work. As I am considered off-campus for this semester. Despite the fact that I still have a room at my hostel. Da macam bilik tumpangan je bilik aku tu, walhal da bayar. Aih. I keep going back and forth from home. To the point when I sleep at my hostel room, I feel a bit awkward. 

Yes, the driving is a bit tired. But am getting used to it. Luckily it's my final year.
YES ! Gua da final year bro. Satu sem je lagi. Insya Allah. Tamat la sudah undergraduate years
Sob sobs. sobob. 
Sebak sebenarnye. I am having mixed feelings with this. But not yet.
Lagi satu sem nak merasakan semuanya. 
Anyway, yes, fellow college mates, that is the reason you guys barely see my face.
I am very much not around. I am only there in the day. But at night, I hide under my cape. ECEH.

4 weeks to be exact. Till this semester ends. 
Then on June. I'll be wearing work clothes to my new internship company :)
YEAP! I am doing internship :)
It's not part of my study plan, but I wish to do it anyway. bummer part. Kene gak buat report -_- 
nyampehs. padahal takde grading pun. But oh well.
I am looking forward to work at my dah-dapat-company.
EXCITING! :D I'll be in the corporate communication department. EEK! 
Semoga Allah membantu saya dalam perjuangan saya. Tiga bulan je. Insya Allah. dapat memperolehi pengalaman untuk persediaan pekerjaan.
I'll reveal the company somewhere in June. Alhamdullilah. Tempat da confirm. Tapi tak syok la reveal skang. hehe.
Lets' pray for the best.

So. This is just updates. Nothing much really. So I bid you goodbye. For now. With a normal p/s: alongside.

 Life is full of things to fulfill, but always remember.
Fulfill your duty to The Creator, Allah SWT, and Insya Allah everything will fall into place. Sesungguhnya Dia Maha Mengetahui :)

Friday, March 29, 2013

Green. Yellow. Red. Do you see me?

Dari jauh da nampak traffic light bertukar warna hijau. Selalunya jadi driver di Malaysia ni, dari jauh da speeding. Termasuk la aku, kadang-kadang tekan minyak sikit nak kejar masa, few seconds does make a difference. But as I came near, the light turns red. Oh well. Menunggu la. Selalunya, bila aku drive di jalan ni, it's always one lane, barely ada two lanes of car. But today, there is one. A small kancil. Usually, waiting for the light to turn, (especially at this road) it takes ages. I will usually, end up daydreaming or thinking what to do. But today, I turned to look at my right.

A kancil.
A small girl.
and her grandfather.

Happily, the girl is smiling, while the grandfather (while from what I was seeing through the hand gestures) explains to her what the traffic light means. Red means stop. Greens means go. The girls nods again and again happily while repeating what her grandfather did, alongside the hand gestures.

I end up reminiscing my own memory. Dulu, aku lah budak kecil itu. Having the old chap next to me, bringing me around Ampang, for endless driving here and there doing chores and going to kedai. Even my first LRT ride was with him to Masjid Jamek to go to Mydin. But I was very much that girl, in the car, tapi time tu Mercedes yg lama nan besar tu. Well, can say I sinked underneath the big seat since I'm small. But that conversation and image of the two individuals, made me think a long way.

I do miss my grandpa. The man that well, brings laughter half of my life. No. Almost 2/3 of my life. Who taught me, my first bike ride and told me
"Tak apa, takde tricycle pun you can ride the bike. If you fall, bangun. If you hurt yourself, it'll heal, tapi nanti awak pandai. Awak belajar"
Mind you the road back at my grandparent's house is quite..steep. But he encouraged me to try.
So, for that one time. I was grateful the traffic light turns red.
My mind come to think, that walaupun ada red light in life, it's okay to stop and look around. When you see what you have to see, then go when the light is green. You'll be wiser after you start to acknowledge things around you.

If I saw scenes of that matter.
I'll end up crying. Missing. A presence long gone. Today. I smiled. I am grateful, to once have that presence around me. Grateful, that I was that girl once. I've grown to be who I am and insya Allah. Further move forward with a better view. Plus, I'll see him again :) For today, I knew, Allah wanted me to look more, more than just memories. I'm amazed with the fact that all of that thinking, happens within only
3 minutes. or less.
You see, thats why we should stop and think through
We're gifted with aqal and the inspiration and ideas comes from Him

So. In the end, the traffic light turns green.
But before that, the girl turns to a view of a driver, smiling.
She smiled.
I waved and said hello.
She smiled and waved happily and turn to look and telling her grandpa of the person that just say hello.
I made the turn, away from the car. Not only did I say hello, but thank you, for a wonderful image and may the girl be blessed with amazing presence like how I do :)

Subahanallah. Allah always has its ways. It is either we decide to make use of the time and space to think.
Everything has it's reason.

"What did you do when the traffic light is red?"

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Little steps go further.

Apa itu cinta? Ha
Kalau cinta mesti la yang berkaitan sayang. Berkaitan bahagia.
Tapi apa orang lupa la kan. Cinta pun ada pasang surut. Yang down itu pun cinta. Dah nama sayang, maka yg baik kita terima. Yang buruk kita terima.
Makanya, apa itu cinta?
Pada saya, cinta itu yang baik kita terima dan mensyukuri. Yang buruk kita baiki supaya jadi terbaik.

Do I have a love story?
Of course I do. I'm like every human being out there. I do fall in love.
I am for now, falling in love.
Seperti fitrahnya seorang manusia akan jatuh cinta. Begitu juga saya.
Makanya, saya sedang sayang seseorang. Ya. Itu adalah anugerah yang saya terima dari Yang Maha Esa.
Dalam masa yang sama, I fall in love with the One who gave me that gift. Dia. Yang Maha Esa. Yang Maha Pengasih. Yang Maha Penyayang. 
I set things out straight. Jujurnya, susah. Malu sebenarnye, apakah silap langkah selama ni tak mencintai Dia dulu. Ye that is my mistake. 
I set things right. For all that I care. I turn my love to Him. Yes. it is not easy, Tuhan sahaja tahu how many times I feel like giving up. But then I remembered 'Allah tidak akan membebankan hamba-Nya lebih dari apa yang terdayanya'. The more I turn to Him. The more harder it is. Tapi itu bukan bermakna Dia tidak sayang. Tidak, lagi diuji, lagi bertambah sayang Dia terhadap hamba-Nya. Sebab dengan ujian itu, kita akan lari dan merintih semuanya kepada Dia. Kita akan mengadu dengan Dia. & I tried to think positive. Alhamdullilah, he also gives me support through various people around me. 
What hardships I went through?
Trying to change all the wrong things I did, dan membawa cinta saya ke jalan yang lebih baik. 
Alhamdullilah. At the present time, I am in a thankful state. Whereby, I have such strong support coming from my loved ones. Friends, family and definitely from Him. 

Yes, it is hard. Tapi sesungguhnya setelah kesusahan di lalui. Kalau betul berjuang di jalan-Nya. Insya Allah. Semua akan dipermudahkan. I was scared, at one point I'll lose this love that I've never felt before. Indeed I was wrong, I found a better love an eternal one, that let me be happy as I am now, and even more better, strengthen the love I have before. :) So kepada readers, yg baca post ni. If you are going through the same, don't give up. don't ever give up if you are going to His way. Percayalah, He'll make everything even more easier for you. Yes, I changed to a wiser state as I am. Through his presence. Tapi semua itu adalah atas kekuasaan-Nya. So I'm praying that this will last till the time is right :) 

Sebab saya di sini menulis ini? Because I wish to share, a beautiful miracle I went through. & I pray that you will experience the phase that I went to a much better place :) Insya Allah

So here's the end for now. i'll see you soon

p/s: mid break just started. I know it's gonna pass by fast huh

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Through the rain

Things are never easy. Life is never easy. What can you do to make it feel at least a little bit easy?
Look up. Pray and just go through the hardest part. Because, when you learn to go through it, and just embrace every moment, even the hard ones. You'll learn to appreciate it.
just keep on praying you stay strong. Stay strong.
We can.
Believe it.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Not for a moment

Ikut kata hati mati. Ikut kata minda buntu. Apa mampu? Rindu ini Tuhan sahaja yang tahu. Apakan daya, semua ini dugaan. Ada tempat lagi ke nak pergi? Tak. Hanya pada Dia. Dugaan ini, nak tak nak aku kene go through gak. So. I divert my sadness here into words. My last piece of expressions. In return, I don't expect anything but a place to just spill here. To let people know, not of how I am weak. But to know that every piece of troubles they are going through. You are never alone.

p/s: Everyday, I'm fighting. You'll never know

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Ini hadiah saya.

Hidup saya rupa-rupanya dihiasi dengan pelbagai nikmat.
Ruginya saya sebelum ni, antara sedar tak sedar.
Such blessings are the presence of awesome and supportive people.

Lemme start w:

a) Family
- My late grandparents.
For the 20 years of my life. It was coloured w their presence in my life. From the small talks, pampering moments, advices, lectures. They have been apart of my 20 years, big part of my life. So when they go for real, jumpa dengan kekasih abadi mereka. There is a big hole, up till now, in my life. For 3 years up till now, their absence brings tears to my eyes. But for all I know, Allah is with them. I know they are closer to me always :')

- Brothers
Two brothers of mine. My only heroes. My slowly growing up boys. It's hard for me to see them getting bigger every day. Getting mature each day. I miss them being annoying. I miss them running to me for every help when they were small. But that is life. As I grow older, they became closer. Somehow they knew, I won't be hanging around longer around the house. God knows when am going, and only God knows when I'll be wed off to my partner (insya Allah). So they told me indirectly, to take my time not to wed off too early. :') By far, the sweetest. That is my 18 years old and 16 years old brother. Taching taw.

- Parents
They are the blessings that I will always be thankful of. Family. No family is perfect. But I am blessed w a family. Mother and father. For 23 years of life. They too realized am getting older. And being their only daughter, the first child. Things get a bit hard here and there. Mind you, am not so obedient child myself. I know. Bukan la nak kata saya ni anak derhaka (nauzubillah) cm kira boleh la tahan nakal ni haa. But they tried being the best always. So what more could I ask but for Allah to always bless them in every way imaginable. I am born lucky :') with such presence. Alhamdullilah

b) Relatives and Friends
-Si rakan-rakan.Saudara mara dekat mahupun jauh. Kalau nak namakan satu satu. Masya Allah. Berleret panjang la cita dia. Tapi generally, to all my friends, berkata sepatah dua, atau lebih atau spend time bersama. Anda semua, nikmat Tuhan berikan kepada saya. Kamu semua, guru saya yang terbaik. Ampun salah silap jika ada. Harap maklum, saya manusia biasa. Tapi saya bersyukur diberikan yang terbaik. Anda semua mengajar saya sedikit sebanyak. Your thoughts means so much to me. Terima kasih. :') I have nothing more to say, but semoga Allah membalas jasa anda. Setiap yang hadir, you have help me in ways I can't see. Dia yang Maha Mengetahui yg mengigtkan saya segalanya. Hanya Doa yang mampu saya beri :)

c) Kamu
- Kamu? Siapa? Oh siapa ? Ha. Ini biar jadi misteri saya. Tapi saya tahu, awak tahu, yang ini buat awak. Kehadiran awak, beyond expectation. Saya tak expect, sudah di sini kita :) Sekarang ini kita dalam perjalanan menuju ke hadapan. Your presence, is my blessings. Such turn of events, made me realize so many things. Awak, tiada apa yang saya mampu beri sekarang, kecuali doa untuk kita. Ya, jika ada tertulis oleh-Nya untuk kita, ada lah takdir kita bersama. For all these years, you're the best friend I will always look back for. And in the future, I'm hoping for the very best from Him to us. Your presence is a new presence that I will always remember. Saya nak awak tahu, despite everything, we're gonna make it through. Terima kasih awak. I'll keep counting the days and fill it with prayers. Amin :)

These are my blessings. Yang Shaf nampak. Yang tak nampak tu, I bet you there will be endless. Tak mampu nak cakap, dan saya manusia biasa. Tapi Tuhan berikan semua ini. So, everyone, remember your blessings and always be thankful. This year? I did not ask from any presents. Sebab selama ini, saya sudah diberi hadiah ini dalam hidup saya. Satu sahaja saya minta tahun ini. Semoga diberi nikmat ini berterusan sehingga ke akhir hayat saya dan sentiasa diberkati Allah SWT. Doakan saya dapat jejakkan kaki ke RumahNya satu hari nanti ye. I wish that will come true. Belum sampai, tapi hati ni terngiang2 nak pergi. Ah sudah la pagi2 ni. Panjang pula. Thank you everyone. :)

ps:always always. Look around and be grateful for blessings beyond your expectation :) Dia sayangkan kamu. Selalu.

Sudah dua tiga :)

Salam everyone and greetings!

After 3 days of my birthday, I just had the chance to reply all the wish given by wonderful people.
Alhamdulillah. I am blessed with such presence. No words could describe the feeling. I am surrounded by wonderful people. Maybe in the past, I would always count how many wishes I get. But now, it doesn't even matter. It's good to know, that people still remember, and have the time to type it at my timeline, or sent it through text, or make that call. or even tweeting it! That few seconds to me, when you guys type the wish, means more to me :')

Friends have been by my side. Through everything, and they have been the awesome support and kept wishing me the best for my birthday.

So yes. I am twenty-three years old. I am now considered as a woman :)
I am on my way to be a better person and insya Allah, always be a better muslimah.
I am blessed as I have lived this far. This long.
Pelbagai cabaran dah, tapi ini baru sedikit. Namun, Shafeena rasa bersyukur sangat diberi peluang mempelajari pelbagai ilmu, dan melalui pelbagai pengalaman.
It has made me mature, every step of the way. Blessed w supportive people along the way.

What am I expecting for this year?
Getting better and better every step of the way.
More smiles and insya Allah. Be one step closer every day to Allah :)

Again everyone. Thank you so much! Jazakallah! :)

p/s: Happy Birthday  :) To the arwah grandfather of mine. Thank you for giving me such beautiful name. I will always. Always. Miss you. Kita jumpa di alam sana. Al-Fatihah. 

Friday, February 22, 2013

The filled heart

Salam semua :)

Weih. Tak nok lamo plaaak tinggalkan space ni. Mahu sebulan jugak ni. Tapi alhamdullilah dengan rezekiNya. Kembali lagi skali saya di sini :) Jadi? Apa yg terbaru? Takde mende pun. Uni da masuk minggu ke-4. Wah. Pantas en? Tak brapa nak pantas la kalau ada 4/5 deadline assignment sebelum mid break lagi 3 minggu. Tergegel kat sini nak abiskan. Jadi, apa topik Si Sepina ni nak merapu hari ni? Oh ye, ada satu. Ini. 

Rakan : 'Shaf, erm. Nak tanya soalan boleh?'
Saya : 'Leh. kau kenapa. Tanya je le'
Rakan : 'Weh, kau jangan rasa offended plak'
Saya : 'Ah jadahnye. Insya Allah tak. Tapi kalau ada aku bagitahu'
Rakan : 'Erm. Kau macam ini sebab si fulan tu ke, sebab kau ikhlas?'

Tatkala saya menerima soalan camtu. Saya hanya mampu tersenyum. Ye la, rakan mana yang kenali saya, mungkin ada yang perasan, saya da berbeza dari dulu. Pada saya, saya masih sama, cuma alhamdulillah. Lebih matang dan lebih yakin dalam hidup berbekalkan ilmu dan hidayah diberikan oleh Allah SWT. Mungkin, ada yangt terfikir sama macam rakan saya, kerana si fulan tersebut, saya berubah begini.

Jawapan saya pada rakan saya dan pada semua, termasuk si fulan itu (ya dia juga bertanya soalan sama), 'adakah saya berubah kerana saya ikhlas kerana-Nya atau tak?' adalah sama. Iaitu, saya berubrah hanya kerana satu sebab, dan sebab itu adalah Allah SWT. Tiada lain dariNya. Alhamdulillah yang saya mampu ucapkan sebab tiada kata2 mampu nak ungkapkan perasaan saya. Mungkin ada yang tak percaya. Tapi tak apa lah. Saya hanya berkongsi cerita di sini, bukan mahu meyakinkan sesiapa. So here comes to say, I changed for the better, I improvise myself to be a better muslimah, here now and in the future, insya Allah. Sekalipun ada yang kata si fulan adalah 'pencetus' (gitew kau ayat aku pakai, pencetus taw) bagi titik hidup baru, ya I don't deny that. Regardless, saya bersangka baik dengan Tuhan, bahawasanya, Allah masih sayangkan saya dan memimpin saya semula menjawab segala persoalan di minda dan bawa saya ke arah yg lebih baik. Dan si fulan itu, saya melihat dia as a presence that Allah has lend to me in this world. And I can only say Allahamdullilah, Subahanallah, Allahu Akbar repeatedly for such presence beside me. 

Ye, mungkin da lebih baik la dari dulu Si Sepina ni. Tapi masih sama. Saya masih sama.Bezanye, lebih matang (ye ke?) dan yang pasti lebih yakin dengan ilmu dan jalan yang diberikan oleh-Nya. Alhamdullilah. I feel so much better at this state now. Semua rasanya cukup, macam mana hidup pun, ada terjatuh mana-mana, I always smile, sebab tak pernah rasa seorang. Setiap detik teringat mesti teringatkan Allah. Terus rasa selesa. Bet if some read this, doesn't make sense, but you have to be apart of this life, living this sort of life, to feel that this really does exists. Dulu, saya sendiri pun kata, ala ni kata-kata islamik. Standard la. Astaghafirullahalazim. Tapi da kata pun zaman dulu. Now i feel the difference. 

Oh well. All and all. I am content living life now. Alhamdullilah. Dan makin ramai kawan-kawan Sepina ni da berubah ke arah baik. That actually put a smile in my face. I will keep on praying for the best in our lives. Teruskan la. Apa la salahnye. tak salah pun. dan tak pelik pun kalau ada kawan-kawan nak jadik 'alim' bak kata korang kan. Bukan kah lagi bagus? Kalau ada orang komen, pekakkan je telinga bak kata Aiman Azlan, sekarang ni, benda yg jadi sunnah, pelik. Yang jadi amalan syaitan normal. jadi yang nak berubah. It's okay. slow steps. abaikan jalan yang berlubang dan maju ke hadapan!

okay berhenti di sini. aku da merapu panjang. makanye. setoop dan jumpa kita di masa lain. Insya Allah. Barakallah hu feekum :) salam!

p/:s How things differ now and then :)

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Random but sure

Salam all ! :)

Wow, gap of 10 days. I'm missing this space already. To be honest, macam2 sebenarnye dalam minda ni nak cakap. But I'm the spontaneous type. Saya suka nak cakap on the spot, rather dari tangguh kemudian. Because, kalau duk tangguh, hmph, mau lagi lambat. So here I am, 10 days later baru nak buat. Tak senonoh sungguh -_- Anyways, takde menda sangat pun nak cakap, dari aritu nak sangat karang cerita pendek, tapi tak terkarang, acano? Jadik. Just terasa nak membebel sini jap. Maybe lepas Zohor baru ada idea kot. Lepas asar kita mengarang di space kosong ini mau? Jadi ayuh, tunaikan kewajipan dulu. Japgi kita jumpa. HAAA aku tak paham kenapa mesti aku taip sini dulu. Baik aku tunda, Tapi da syok sgt taip. 

Tak pe. Konklusi di sini ada juga. Kita buat kewajipan, baru buat benda lain :) Kan lebih elok kalau begitu. Oh hidupkan selalu ye sunnah2 Rasulullah SAW :) Baginda pasti tersenyum kalau kita di sini selalu ingatkan dia walaupun kita tak pernah berjumpa dengan Baginda. Nak dapat syafaatnya, kene la amalkan sunnah2 dan taat pada Allah kan :) So i bid you momentarily goodbye! Jumpa jap lagi! Kalau teringat nak taip la kan :p 

p/s: Makin tersenyum melihat nikmat-Nya terbentang luas sepanjang masa. Allahuakbar :)

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Selamanya Indah

Salam readers :)

How are you lovely people? Is everything okay? For me. It is very much holiday mood. My exams? Oh goodness. I'm very happy it ended soon. The horror. I had to face exams while having sickness, such fever and gastric. Turns out, my gastric decides to pop out often than usual. Oh well. But then again, every sickness has it's hidden blessing :) I accept it with open heart and let it be a motivation for me if I ever face such incident again.

Sooo I am not here to talk about my life. I don't know why, but I find it boring. Lol. Well typical life of a girl. Apa lagi nak cakap kan?  Gitu je la hidupnye. I am here blogging about, well let's say life. Mungkin la. ada yang sedar, I don't tweet as much. Crap as much on Facebook or twitter. Reason being, I realized there is nothing much to share. I think I grew up. What I realized, is I come to a more reason I found valid to search for, mencari Dia. Who else non other than Allah :) 

So many things happened, even words cannot describe how I went through it all. But all and all. I am very happy and little by little. Fall in love with Islam all over again. The beauty of everything. Guess what I found most shocking? The fact that whatever that is permitted in Islam, written in the rules, becomes the one thing that people nowadays are freaked out with. It is like benda yang halal dalam Islam, yang baik dalam Islam, dipandang pelik dan as if benda tu kalau nak di amalkan jadik janggal. Sedangkan benda itu benda baik. This discovery, made me feel devastated. Baru la Shaf sedar, what world am I living in. What sort of environment am I facing? Is this the true way of living?

That is where I started to search for the real truth. Alhamdullilah. Little by little. Allah has made the path more easier than I expect it. The best part, Allah showed me a way through a blessing He gave me. Blessing apakah itu? :) I shall keep it my own little secret until the time is ready. Definitely not a baby la kan. Jadahnye, aku kawin pon tak lagi (dalam hati nak cepat la kan. kbai) But through that, I learned what every one kept repeating that simple phrase, that at the age of 22. only entered my head.

'Islam itu indah'

Indeed it is. So I am very very blessed to be where I am now. Very happy. By far, this year, Insya Allah will be scribbled with more new things. So looking forward to more things to scribble. Even I might scribble some short story. :D Let's wait and see.

Oh and to you :) I will keep on praying. For our endless journey.

p/s: to my future endeavors, I will start with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. :)

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Cerita Pendek : Kita kawan kan?

Hati ni da berdebar-debar. Panik pun ada rasanya. Okay rileks Sheera. Rileks je. Everything will be okay. Jumpa dia je pun, bukan jumpa sorang. Jumpa ramai-ramai. Tah-tah dia tak jadik datang. Knowing Asyraf. Most of the time dia selalu cancel last minute meet up. So chill. It'll be fine. 

"Eh Sheera, yang kau duduk dalam kereta ni lagi kenapa? Gerak le. Nak kunci, the boys are waiting da tu" kata Ika memujuk aku keluar dari kereta. Aku pun mula la gerak. Jalan pun lembap-lembap je. Dah kenapa aku setuju nak datang. Hai malas betul. Sengaja diaorg ni nak buat meetup macam ni.

"Kau buat apa dalam keta? Mekap untuk Asyraf ke?" usik Ika. 
"Banyak la kau. Takde keje aku nak mekap-mekap ni. Bukan aku. Takde la aku macam malas je. Kau tahu la aku ngan Asyraf cmne kan"
"Kenapa dengan kau dengan Asyraf? Kau bukan suka ke kalau jumpa. Tengok dari jauh la cukup bak kata kau"
"Amboi kau. erm. Suka tu takat situ je la. nak suruh buat apa pun. Aku tengok dia sengih, borak-borak bodoh. dia dengan lawak tak jadik dia. tu je la. Kau nak suh aku buat apa pun Ika. Smpai situ sahaja"
"Ah macam-macam la kau Sheera. Rileks je. Kalau betul jodoh ada. Ada la korang, lari macam mana pun. Aku tengok Asyraf tu pun macam suka kau je"
"Dah la jangan bagi harapan palsu.. weh tu diaorg, meja sana"

Sampai kat restoran biasa geng kitaorg lepak. Aku terus scan meja tu. Okay cukup kuota, ada Hakim dengan Farhan je. Okay lega jap. Kitaorang memang berlima. Dari sekolah lagi muka mesti berlima. Selama ni aku anggap semua macam adik bradik. lain mak lain bapak la cita dia. Kitaorg rapat sebab masing-masing boleh bergurau senda. Tapi dengan Asyraf cara aku dengan dia, komunikasi kitaorg jadi pelik dan sedikit awkward. Bukan macam aku borak dengan Hakim ngan Farhan. Nak kata control tak jugak. Da lama dah aku suka Asyraf. Mula-mula sebab dia ni macam ada muka la. Ikut taste aku suma. Tapi entah kenapa, aku terpikat tengok perangai dia. Suka buat lawak bodoh, masalahnya lawak yang selalu keluar, macam hambar sangat. Tapi aku gelak. Gelak sebab dia gigih sangat bercerita nak sampaikan. Suka tengok perangai dia yang pelik tapi comel tu. tah kenapa aku suka sangat. Lama juga da minat si mamat ni. Tapi apakan daya, rasa takut kene reject tu. Aku pendam je la minat tu. Minat tu da jadik sayang kot at one point. Tapi aku ignore je. 

"Alahai kakak-kakak manis, typical ladies to come late la. Korang mekap apa je? Serupa je aku tengok rupa korang" gurau Hakim kat kitaorg. Hakim ni paling rilek skali, dia slalu anggap aku ngan Ika cm adik dia, memandangkan dia paling tua dalam geng sbb lahir dulu sebelum kitaorg semua. 
"Hey, aku tak mekap okay, ni minah ni mekap. Tak nampak aku pakai t-shirt sempoi je ni. ni pun dapat free. Tengok muka korang je, jadahnye nak cantik-cantik" respon aku kat Hakim

Aku scan lagi skali restoran ni, mana la tahu Asyraf ada. 
"Kau cari sapa Sheera. Asyraf tak sampai lagi" kata Farhan yang melihat aku tak abis-abis toleh kiri toleh kanan. Macam tengah cari orang.
"Aku tak cakap pape pun. Aku just scan je tengok-tengok kot ada orang aku kenal. Eh dia datang ke?'
"A'ah datang. Cuma lambat skit. Macam biasa la Asyraf. Kau macam tak kenal"

Aku sengih je pastu da rasa awkward nak cakap topik ni. Aku stat tengok menu, rasa lapar pun ada. Aku start terpikir. Kepala aku macam lega jugak Asyraf takde. Tapi hati ni macam mengeluh, kenapa takde pula. Macam sedih pun ada sebab dia takde. Tapi kepala aku macam cakap, ala kalau dia ada pun, apa je korang buat kan. Buat bodoh. Masing-masing buat buat takde pape. Sebab memang takde pape. So should be okay la kan? Amboi bercanggah sungguh hati dan minda aku ni. Sakit jiwa.

"Weh weh weh. Jangan order. Jap jap. Bagi aku duduk jap" Asyraf berkata sambil tercungap-cungap cakap dan duduk sebelah Hakim.
"Assalamualaikum. Hai bro, sampai2 pakai weh weh. Lapar sangat da ke"
"Waalaikumussalam. Ala Hakim, takkan plak aku nak jerit kuat2 bagi salam. Kang orang kata aku gila plak. bagi sopan sikit, depan mata kau, baru aku ucap. Salam tangan. baru bromantic kan" respon Asyraf. Aku kat tepi tergelak kecil dengar cara dia cakap. Ha sampai-sampai da merapu sakan. Macam tu la dia sepanjang2 masa kalau lepak.

"Eh Sheera. Ada rupenye. Ingatkan takde. Lama dah sampai?"
"Amboi, kau nampak Sheera je ke Asyraf? Aku ni kau tak nak tanye" sahut Ika perli Asyraf yang tegur aku.
"Ala Ika Apa bezanye, sebab aku tahu korang sampai sekali, naik keta sekali, tanya dia sama jugak jawapan kau. Kau nak jugak aku tanya kau? Alahai, ha Ika da lama sampai?"
"Ah kau. Alasan. Berdekad lama da aku tunggu. Kau buat apa la, datang lambat je keje"
"Eh biasa. Busy man. Kira baik la muka aku muncul"

Da sampai jugak Asyraf. Ha hati aku cam da tenang. Tapi kepala aku macam panik plak. Dia cm nervous sebab dia depan mata. Aku plak kadang-kadang kantoi tengok dia. Gelak kat jokes dia. Nampak sangat aku asyik dengar apa dia cakap. Kadang-kadang Ika sengaja usik aku depan Asyraf, parah jugak la si Ika tu kene, asyik kene tendang kaki dengan aku je bawah meja. Tak pun mata aku membesar je. Masalahnye, aku boleh communicate dengan semua orang, siap boleh relate kat one another kalau berborak, tapi aku tak paham kenapa aku tak leh nak buat macam tu dengan Asyraf. Macam kalau kitaorg mula cakap, kitaorg sampai terlupa yang kitaorg lepak beramai-ramai. Kadang-kadang, bebudak ni usik jugak kitaorg, rasanye semua orang macam perasan kitaorg berdua kalau biar cakap berdua jadik cm terasing. Semua orang nampak, tapi kenapa aku rasa Asyraf ni macam biasa je. Aku sampai da give up nak interpret apa-apa, sebab knowing Asyraf, sampai situ je la. Mana nak pergi jauh. Aku je la berangannye. Da kawan lama sangat, apa je nak jadik? Takde la kan cita dia. Jadi tiap kali lepak ramai-ramai, tu je la aku dapat tengok Asyraf. He's my What If. So what if je la yang bermain dalam kepala aku.

"Weh lama sangat da ni, aku ada assignment nak kene submit esok. Sheera gerak jom?" kata Ika kat aku. Aduh. Nak balik da ke? Memang la esok ada kelas. Tapi macam berat pun ada nak balik. Bila je la dapat lepak cmni.
"Korang da nak gerak? Wei sama la. Aku pun ada keje nak settle esok. Gerak skali la ek. Parking keta kau kat mana Ika?" respon Hakim kepada Ika sambil bangun dari tempat duduk dan gerak bersama ke cashier.
"Woi woi. Korang nak gi bayar ke? Aku nak ikut la" sahut Farhan.
"Dah kenapa kau nak ikut Farhan? Japgi kan kau naik dengan Hakim gak. Bayar je la dalam keta. Woi Paan. Alahai buat bodoh plak budak ni" respon Asyraf.
Okay sekarang situasi da jadik sedikit awkward. Apa aku nak cakap? Okay aku patut bangun la kan.
Okay bangun skang.

"Eh? Nak gi mana ni Sheera? Diaorg kan datang balik sini?" respon Asyraf pada tindakan aku.
"Tak. tengok la. Diaorg main gerak je. Jom la" aku pun stat beralih dari meja makan. Okay gerak cepat Sheera, gerak cepat.
"Sheera! Wah laju sangat. Nah sampai tertinggal henpon. Kang meraung tak dapat nak text encik abang" 
Okay nice move Sheera. Terbaik la kau punya gopoh gapah nak bla. tertinggal henpon
"Encik abang mana plak. Memang I ada plak la hai Asyraf. Kan i da cita. Mana ada"
"I ada? I encik abang jugak. Seorang encik. Dan seorang abang. Combine both. tak ke sama ?" gurau Asyraf pada aku.
Seriously la. That have to be the lamest joke I've ever heard. But.. it's sweet. Okay Sheera over sangat nak pikir sweet. It's Asyraf. That's typical. Typical him.

"Weh. kelakar. geli hati dengar. geli geli"
"Ala jangan la geli Sheera. Tu terbaik kot. Ni you balik dengan Ika?" 

Eip. Ni soalan apa dia tanya aku ni? Padahal dia tahu kut aku sampai sini tadi dengan Ika. Dia sendiri buat statement camtu.
"dah tu? takkan naik kuda kot."
"eih marah nampak. saje je tanye. terlupa. mana la tahu. you balik asing"
"takde nye. da biasa kot, and you know. asyraf, asyraf, pelik pelik je soalan you nak balik ni. Okay la. I gotta go. Tu minah tu, tengok, da cekak pinggang dah kat keta dia. I'll see you sometime soon?"

 Senyum aku pada Asyraf. Tengah aku tersenyum tu, aku perasan Asyraf da lama tersengih kat aku. Aku pun cair la kan. Tapi kata nak bla, aku still tercegat kat situ. Tah kenapa, aku rasa macam Asyraf nak cakap something kat aku. 

"Asyraf. I gerak dulu okay?" Aku hentikan staring aku kat Asyraf yang macam da nampak obvious. Lama-lama aku terblush da satu masalah plak. Blush depan dia.
"Ha haaa baiklah. We'll see each other soon. insya Allah. Ken salam Ika. Eh jap. WEH Ika. Byeeee",jerit Asyraf sambil melambai kepada Ika.

Ika tersenyum dan suruh Asyraf pulangkan aku cepat. Aku tergelak je tengok Ika cakap camtu, tapi mata aku terus terbeliak besar la sebab macam kantoi di situ. Aku senyum je kat Asyraf dan ucap bye dan bagi salam. Terus berpaling dan gerak ke arah kereta Ika. Hati aku sayu, sedih nak cakap bye, tapi kepala aku asyik tenangkan aku, nak sedih pun buat apa. Nothing is there. So don't expect anything. Aku masuk keta, secara tak sengaja, mengeluh dan termenung.

"Nothing ? " respon Ika bila ternampak aku macam sedih begitu rupa
"Nothing what?" 
"You and him lah. Apa lagi"
"haha kau nak expect apa pun wei. Dia propose kat situ? it will be just that. Asyraf has no feelings to me. Friends and friends je. Sampai bila pun aku boleh mimpi je. dah la Ika jom gerak"
Aku stat pakai seatbelt sambil senyum pada Ika. To show her that I'll be fine.
"Hai Sheera. One day maybe. One day. Ada jodoh takkan ke mana. Sapa kata kawan pun tak leh bercinta"
Aku tergelak dan terus tersenyum. Malas da nak respon apa-apa dengan Ika. Kami bergerak pulang dari tempat lepak. Aku pula? Termenung ke luar kereta. Terfikir, apakah aku sorang yang rasa macam ni?