About Me

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A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Rainy night

Tonight I'm crying for all the reasons that I kept.
It's hard.
But the only thing that made me live and breathe easy afterwards, when I think of the good things that might come out later.
They said, everything happens for a reason. I believe in that reason. God knows better for everything that I went through.
I may cry on this side but on the other side of the future.
I am breathing.
For all I know. I pray that nobody or anyone that I love will have to go through what I am going.
It's too much for me but i know how it feels.
And always believe that, it may be hard, but He's right there watching.

p/s: here comes the pain

Life is

Believe me.
What am going through is not easy.
No words can describe.
It's not fucking easy. So life. Please treat me a lil bit better

ps: this is when missing too much kills

Saturday, July 28, 2012

For a thousand years and more

3 years ago. I refuse to believe happy ever after exists.
I refuse to believe that maybe that someone is out there.
It's not that I did not believe at all. I do. But half of me doesn't wanna get hurt.
The other half. Well.. she still wants to believe. Despite the pain.
For all the right reasons. Am blessed. To see and to meet. A boy that changed every perception.
Alhamdullilah. He made me believe that within that thousand years. He'll come.
Some might say that I am madly deeply in love.
Well. I can't deny that.
But this I for now can say. Is not the ordinary cinta monyet.
Mungkin kali ini. Yang benar. He came unexpectedly.
At a time where I wasn't ready. Well. I thought I wasn't.
Tapi hanya Tuhan yang tahu. Apa yang terbaik.
Dengan dia rasanya macam sudah lama kenal.
I did not say, that he'll be my future. But for all I know
I am blessed to feel this moment. For all the things he bring and for the happiness and patience that he has towards me. For the acceptance that he loves me for who I am.
It's a lovey dovey post.
But here I am blessed.
Grateful to Allah. for He knows what is best for me.
Thank you for the endless understanding and for so many things you taught me. :)

p/s: I'm counting down. Still do. Few more and we'll be there :)

Friday, July 27, 2012

There's a place

Have you ever felt down and all you felt like doing just break down and cry?
I've been there
Unpleasant. It's like nothing can ever turn your frown into smiles
Your eyes can never stop crying.
You know you reached your break point.
I was scared to reach this, that I avoid every bits of reaching here.
But I knew, one day, I'll reach it. Without me realizing it.
Despite the happiness that exists around me.
There is one point that effect me that much and made me fall back down
Because of the old pain that hurts. The pain that remind me how badly everything was.
For a while. I thought I was scarred for life.
But I froze to silence with my thoughts.
For in that moment, I gain my strength back and look up to Him.
In hopes to be stronger.
Then it flashes in my mind. The people around me. I was never alone knowing that He gave me the people I love. The people that supported me.

Whenever this happens to you. Never feel down. Don't let yourself go down deeper than this.
Know that it is always okay to fall.
Remember Him. The people around you. and be with yourself. Love yourself.
Sometimes the pain we went through, the scars that we keep. Are the ones that made us who we are now.

So this is for the people who strives to be stronger each day but can still bring smiles to the world.
This is for all the people that live life only once, but living it stronger and better every day.

p/s: It's harder as we grow, but never stop believing and never stop in your tracks. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Antara enam, pagi, kopi dan aku

Ini sudah puasa ke-enam
Dari matahari celik smpai matahari benam,
Sehari puasa selama itu.

Ada yang dah dengar keluhan padu
dari students yang duduk di luar negara,
apa nak buat itu nasib mereka
Kita di sini,
puasa tak lama,
tapi kita mengeluh sama.

hai kawan-kawan
ini bulan ramadhan,
apa bising yang mau dikeluh,
sedangkan ini bulan yang rahmat penuh,
cari pahala kan lagi bagus,
dari memikir makanan terus.

Sudah pukul enam pagi,
orang masih tidur lagi.
aku celik mata,
menatap laptop yg ada,
menaip post di pagi buta,
dek kerana kopi yang ada,
dari tegukan sahur tadi,
jadi mata masih celik lagi.

Di sini sahaja aku merapu,
saja merapu ikut hobi
ini bukan kisah melodi,
yg hangat disampaikan setiap minggu,
ini macam kisah merapu,
disampaikan pada orang yang sudi baca post aku,
terima kasih aku ucapkan pada yg baca,
itupun kalau ada yg sudi membaca.

Dah la aku hilang idea.

p/s: minggu paling lama la hey. Jea. Nak tumpang kredit juga. Jadik bak kata alleycats. Saya ucapkan. 'Terima kasih la hey!'

Ini semua

Jiwa kacau.
Aku tak mengerti. Sama ada ini perlu atau tidak.
Ini cabaran mereka kata. Aku hanya mampu menangis.
Menangis menghadap-Nya meminta tabahkan hati ku
Itu sahaja yang aku mampu.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

It won't go

If you think. It's easy for me.
Think again. It was never easy.
In that years I learn so many things and hurt along the way.
We built smiles and tears.
If you think. All of this is, and seeing me smile. Is easy for me.
Think again. It was never easy.
I wish I can run away. But I choose not to.

p/s: i keep crying in the rain. till now.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

There is you, too, more and most :)

There was a story.
There was a boy and a girl. They were best of friends.
She ran to him for all the things she was unsure of. He stayed. He stayed being the friend he is.
She stayed the same, but at a different view than of what he thinks.
For all she knows, the moment she met him, she felt that feeling. That feeling that maybe.
Maybe could be reality. But being her, she pushed it away. Knowing that impossible can never happen. 
She lived being friends with him. In the same time, pushing every feeling she had in her way. 
Then one day. She saw something she knew was impossible. 
But then they say, impossible is nothing. 
Then for all they know. 
The boy and the girl kept a secret to themselves.
They've been keeping each other a secret.
They've been looking from a far of each other's view. That long. 
They kept thinking, being with each other is impossible. 
But today. 
They see each other closer than before. No more secrets
They are best of friends. Yes. 
They are buddies. Yes
They are pain in each other necks. Yes
They are jokers and a nuisance to each other. Yes
They are Monica and Chandler. Well Maybe.
But right now
They, are actually, me and you :)

For all the things we went through, as friends, as buddies, as crush. For that 5 years we've known each other as friends. Well. this is to our beginning as someone special. Hello there you :) This is to us so may we complete each other's life in the future. And be the ending of our search and the beginning of a new life. Insya Allah. Thank you for being this far. Thank you for putting endless smiles. Everyday. 

p/s: To the Chelsea boy. My Le Chelsea boy. To us :) To you, too, more and most.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

And it keeps on counting

No matter how life is now. I am happy. I have someone next to me. loving me every way I can imagine. 
Funny thing is, he knows I am this crazy.
He knows am not at all sweet.
He knows am not even close to romantic. 
He knows I suck in saying things that can comfort him. 
But he still stays.
now tell me.
Why shouldn't i be this happy?
I think i should be more happy than this.
I'm blessed and grateful.
For now. I am praying for fate to say he's mine :) 
To my best friend, my annoying joker, my other half. 
Words not enough. But I guess you know :)

p/s: 5 years and this is worth the wait