About Me

My photo
A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Life like this

Finals is here. I wish to blog more. But I ran out of ideas.
It's either I do have something to write, but I have short term memory. The next thing you know. I end up babbling things away from what I wanted to say.
I am in my 3rd year 1st semester. Next semester will be the end of my 3rd year. Which means one more year to go till it ends. I believe that it's not gonna be long. Believe me. It won't. I am kinda scared of what's gonna happen after I graduate. I haven't think about it much. I did. Well I did planned it. But. I haven't thought it's gonna come soon. I kept seeing myself doing the same college routine. I'm 22. Things are moving fast. Am I ready? God knows. But in the mean time. I'm treasuring, scribbling and learning every step of the way. Insya Allah. Life keeps on surprising me :)

They say

They say.
Try to love. Then you'll learn.
They say.
The one who loves you sincerely,
will let you see how love is true
They say.
Falling in love at first sight
is like falling for lust.
They say
falling in love is when we love that one person for who they are.
They say
I'm falling.
Well most probably, the answer is yes.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

of his imperfections

November 2010
Guys are foolish to let the good ones go away and instead go for what they want
They want the perfect one. But the perfect one does not fit in with them.
How can you see a perfect person for its perfection? 

Then I guess you have nothing to hate about her.
So that both of you can fight.
You have nothing to take on her.
So that you can tease her and that when she is upset you'll say sorry 
You have nothing on her that others don't see
so that only you will feel special because you love her for that special thing she have

Isn't that plain boredom if you find the perfection in a girl?
Well boo hoo to guys like that
Guys like that should learn how to fall in love the proper way

May 2012
I posted this almost 2 years ago. I found a person with his imperfections. 
He's not the perfect one. But hey. With every little imperfections he has.

He's imperfect to the point that :

I have every bits about him that I dislike and get easily irritate with 
So that we both disagree and have our own small fights  
I can point out here and there of his imperfection
So that I can tease him and when he's upset I say sorry and make him smile
I have that imperfections on him that I see
so that I know he's special cause I love him as he is for all the things he's imperfect for.

It makes everything else with him looks just nice :) Perfect never exists in our life. Almost perfect? Well that might exists. Gradually, day by day. I'm falling for him. Here I am. Might not saying a thing to him. But I know he knows :)

p/s: You're still that boy I feel like giving a tight slap on your face and the one that always give me high blood pressure without fail. Every time :p

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


Funny thing happened.
I thought I was ready to be in a relationship. I thought I was. All this while.
I thought I can make it.
When it came.
Turns out. I was scared as shit.
I was freaking out every step of the way. It's like what I said was just me reasoning myself.
But now, I am scared. But he made it easier every step of the way :)
I think am slowly opening my heart back
knowing him.
He made it easier.
What a way to thank this than to thank Him :) God answered my prayers.
He let me found this boy. So.
Let's go with the flow and let us see where this will go okay? :)

Friday, May 11, 2012

Sometimes it hurts instead

Why can't I ever forget you ?
I hate finding reasons for this.
Because sometimes. There's always first for everything.
I hate that bittersweet fact, that you are my first

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Bangun ayuh?

Ah bencinya. Malam ni macam menyampah dengan diri sendiri.
Pantang bila aku da bermula 'scribble' kat sini.
Berjela-jela panjang aku 'scribble'. Tidak. Ini bukan post aku mengarang cerita pendek. Bukan post ini... bukan kot. Aku terasa macam nak 'scribble' dalam bahasa ibunda.
Hari ini semua benda terusik di hati. Entah kenapa.
Lemah betul.
Benci jadi macam ni.
Tapi ini la dia. Fitrah aku sebagai manusia. Sekuat mana pun kita. Jatuh juga.Sepuluh ribu kali la kalau kau ucap 'Takde menda ah'
Balik-balik bila kau sorang, kau juga menangis.
Takda la sekuat mana pun kan.
Konon-konon kuat. Last-last macam wanita lain juga.
Dah memang dalam IC pun jantina perempuan. Maka segala perasaan pun alih-alih perempuan juga.
Benci betul bila menangis sebab tak dapat jadi gagah. Benci betul bila jadi lemah dan terfikir brapa lama nak bertahan macam ini.
Aku lupa.
Aku sendiri terlupa. Aku ni tak la kuat mana pun.
Lempar la senyuman macam mana pun. Aku mampu letak ke tepi segala masalah.
Tapi akhirnya, aku toleh ke tepi juga.
Aku sudah biasa macam ini.
Bangun jatuh sendiri. Apa susah?
Dah penat menangis, lap air mata, bangun. Itu aku.
Tapi hakikatnya, aku penat bangun sendiri.
Tapi... bukankah ini sudah jadi perkara biasa? Tapi kenapa aku mengeluh?
Aku toleh ke arah cermin.
Melihat diri aku.
Aku segagah mana aku 'portray' kan diri aku pada orang sekeliling aku.
Itu sekadar 'shield' aku. Melindungi diri aku sebenar. Tapi di sini.
Semua tentang diri aku. Kata-kata yang aku catitkan di sini. Cukup menggambarkan aku.
Mungkin aku terlupa.
Aku ni juga manusia.
Aku tidak mampu berdiri sendiri begitu lama.
Aku lupa.
Aku juga mampu jatuh tanpa rasa malu dengan diri sendiri.

Never forgotten

In 12 days. It will be 3 years.
I count. I remember. I reminisce.
I am missing the years before that. I am missing that feeling of anticipating weekend to see that old chap's face.
I am missing my joker. Missing that same face that when I tell stories to, he listens carefully.
3 years. It felt like yesterday.
I miss cooking for him. I miss him teaching me the right way to cook his favourite sambal ikan bilis.
I miss being his favourite little girl. Always have and always been.

Dear grandpapa,
Every year doesn't make me miss you less. But even more.
I'm doing fine. but how I wish you're here.
I know my weekends will be filled with laughter.
I hate to remember how I spent May with you. The last memory is of you trying to draw a smile.
Everytime I  drive by that house, I am hoping I might see your face outside, gardening.
I saw that glimpse of a small little girl, standing next to her grandpa, painting the house to prepare for raya.
I'm missing every moment.
I'll be praying always.
I'll never forget you.
It's just that. I forgot that you're not here anymore.
Physically you're long gone. But deep inside I know, I know grandpapa, that you're near.
This little girl always miss his old chap. Always.