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A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

of self nature

I was injured yesterday due to the futsal tournament. I sprained my leg. Normally, some can take the pain. Some. While most of em, might end up waiting for it to heal and then walk. Well, mine was quite bad. I can only describe the pain but that wouldn't be enough to show how painful it is.
Despite the fact I am in pain, I still walk to class. I put a normal face in class without letting people know the fact that I am in pain cause of the injury. Then I walk back to my room, till I wanted to settle down, I realized I was having a hard time trying to bend my leg, because it hurts so bad. Then I remembered, oh the injury.

Then it finally hits me. That is how exactly I live my life. Even I had no idea I was that determined. I faced pain, I walked through it, ignoring all the pain I am facing, only to realize then that the pain is still there. I know no sense of giving up or stopping even though I got hurt along the way. I didn't stop. Neither asked for help. I refused help when I know at times I need it. I went through it. I realized I was stubborn but in a way that sometimes it is good sometimes it is not. I realized that this is me all this while. I started to remember some things that made who I am today. Then I started to recall every single memory as I was growing up, believe me, it hurts remembering all the pain I went through, from school, exams, family, friends. Things I do to gain respect of others and for people to look at me, to notice me. Then, I forgot I owe myself my own respect. I owe myself a respect which I should've given a long time ago. But looking to where I am now. I feel blessed. I finally found that respect, but I do have to learn one thing. Being weak is not an excuse, but a reason to know you're still a human. Turning 22 really made me see things around me in a wider perspective. 

It's all about understanding myself. I realized in order to understand others. I have to understand myself too. So here I am reflecting about life. I am very grateful I see things now. 22 sounds young, but being able to reflect things in life at this age? Well, I have a chance to start a beautiful beginning. I am blessed to know myself this deep. 

Get me out
Into the nighttime
Four walls won't hold me tonight
If this town
Is just an apple
Then let me take a bite
Human Nature - Michael Jackson

p/s: some apple might be old or new, but don't be scared to take a bite. There's still time to feel it :)

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