It is hard, when you try to fight things that you know you're scared with. I felt that before. Fighting your fears is the last thing that you would want to face. I find that my fear is to lost hope. It was the reason, that the past few days, I kept on searching for God knows what. It was a hectic feeling. I came tumbling down here and there.
I told myself. This is just too much. At one point, I was searching for peace so bad, I cried every night. I wasn't fighting for something that you and me could see. But rather fighting with my inner self.
Having to live for 22 years of my life. I can tell, that my life is not that perfect. Who does have that perfect life? Recently, I was faced with something I thought, I can carry it with me. Unfortunately, I was wrong, one by one, my past came haunting, of the times, I've been through the tears here and there, I realize my fears came along with the past. I can't afford to be strong. I know that. But somehow, I guess, that my own self, have sorta immune with that fact that I just have to be strong. Being weak is not a choice, neither a living. To me being weak is not an excuse. But I forgot. I am a human. I am allowed to be weak. How much can I hold? Not all that's for sure. Indeed they say God is great. He knows, He listens. He understands. Feeling this peace and calm feeling, oh God. So nice. I would trade anything to have this feeling with me forever. But then again. Through all the storms that you've passed through, this is what made you stronger in life.
So here I am to say. If you think life is being hard, that you can't find reasons to be weak. Well don't be. You're a human. Feeling strong all the time is tiring. It may be hard, but believe me one day it'll be worth it. I am scared too, but I dare to believe in it. Insya Allah, He knows. :)