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A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

one

I had troubles sleeping last night. I feel like I want to wake up anytime I can and just not dream anything. Even my dreams are having troubles. Have you ever feel that when you've been running away too much, that at one point, there is no place to run to. You come back to square one thinking, why did I run in the first place? 


That's when you know you have to face it. No choice but to confront the things you're running away. I was in a place I called perfect. The place where I know smiles and hearts are flipping. I had someone to say 'I love him'. Maybe it's a one way street for me. But the bliss part for me is to actually love him. My greatest fear is not ghost or dark places. My fear is when I lost the ability to love someone. That is my fear. So eventhough, that one way street may be a hard road for me but I love it. I just love walking on it knowing I'm happy to love it. But at one point, I realize my feet can no more walk on it. It hurts, then I know I must leave and find a real road I can walk on. So my turning point made my heart broken pieces by pieces.


This time, I decided to let it break along the way. While it's breaking, I hold the pieces closely to me. Picking it up one by one. It sucks but thats life. Forgetting someone can be hard, especially when someone means a lot to you. But when your heart can't get through. Don't force it. The heart can only take things one thing at a time. Letting it break well you can see that in seconds. Healing it? Will take years. Might even be longer than that. Cause the scar will be there, memories still. No matter how many times you went through it, never think or blame yourself when you keep on feeling the pain greater and never less painful. It happens. Never be scared to feel weak. We are humans. So with time, we try to walk back stronger than before. 

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