About Me

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A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

one

I had troubles sleeping last night. I feel like I want to wake up anytime I can and just not dream anything. Even my dreams are having troubles. Have you ever feel that when you've been running away too much, that at one point, there is no place to run to. You come back to square one thinking, why did I run in the first place? 


That's when you know you have to face it. No choice but to confront the things you're running away. I was in a place I called perfect. The place where I know smiles and hearts are flipping. I had someone to say 'I love him'. Maybe it's a one way street for me. But the bliss part for me is to actually love him. My greatest fear is not ghost or dark places. My fear is when I lost the ability to love someone. That is my fear. So eventhough, that one way street may be a hard road for me but I love it. I just love walking on it knowing I'm happy to love it. But at one point, I realize my feet can no more walk on it. It hurts, then I know I must leave and find a real road I can walk on. So my turning point made my heart broken pieces by pieces.


This time, I decided to let it break along the way. While it's breaking, I hold the pieces closely to me. Picking it up one by one. It sucks but thats life. Forgetting someone can be hard, especially when someone means a lot to you. But when your heart can't get through. Don't force it. The heart can only take things one thing at a time. Letting it break well you can see that in seconds. Healing it? Will take years. Might even be longer than that. Cause the scar will be there, memories still. No matter how many times you went through it, never think or blame yourself when you keep on feeling the pain greater and never less painful. It happens. Never be scared to feel weak. We are humans. So with time, we try to walk back stronger than before. 

The cry

I'm not okay.
Never was. never will.
I'm hoping someone else can take this pain away. It hurts to know that I kept thinking bout you but it was never that way with you. Its hard when you hide the scar but when you see it, it's visible to you but you hide it from others. When you see it you sat to think how that happened. The pain you had to go through.
No I'm not okay. I wish you can be my distractions.
I wish you can be the one flipping my heart. I wish you're the reason I smile when I wake up in the morning.
I wish I can change to everything you want. but that wouldn't be me. 
I'm angry that I still miss you. I hate myself for even thinking about you. 
I'm not okay
I was never okay


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Hallo then bye :D

I am currently on a hiatus. Well sorta like a unintentional hiatus?
I am happy and currently free and living a blissful life :D
only that I'm very very busy with mid term and to say my life this semester is super hectic!
I even barely have time to sit and erm. type?
Well blame Charmed. I kept having 40 mins (plus extra 40 mins if i get curious) to watch the episodes but not
erm. blogging.
Nothing that really bothers my mind but I'm thrilled to be typing something at least.
So just wait okay. I'll be back ranting the next thing u know :D

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Standing tall

You come and go.
When you feel like it.
After days of thinking. I was wasting time to even think about you.
Why care of the ones who see you as an option?
Never do that. Never put priority to people who see you as a choice.
I thank God for making me feel stronger than ever.
With time, faith, love from friends and family, I realized I'm stronger.
I am now standing strong to tell a tale to others. How they shouldn't feel down.
How you shouldn't feel sad or depressed when you lost love.
I survived when someone broke things in pieces and never bother to pick it up.
Think again. Even take a 2nd look at it.
Now I did that all by myself but that doesn't mean I am weak.
Great love comes with you when you're down
These things happen for a reason
I choose to think that he came just to tell me that I can still love some one :)
God wants to show me that my fear of losing the feeling of loved and to be loved will never go away.
And He is right.
That guy may not be the one. But right now.
All I know when the right one comes along. I am here knowing things will happen when the right time comes
Sad that he didn't get to see what I see. But when the real one comes, he will be a very lucky guy.
For now.
I am enjoying this peace and serenity.
To you,
I didn't die :)
I survived.
I am a charmed one :)
This heart is not breaking.
May we find peace in every corner of hope.
To every single person out there, loss never means death. But a new hope is born.
Smile out of the day. Because
a heart that strives hard and strong are heart of the charmed ones :)

p/s: You didnt bring me down :) and never will.

What should've been


Walking down the road,
Walking down the steps,
Where we took out together.
Promises forever, but then you went away,
Away from all the steps,
All the steps that we made.
Tell me now,
should I stop, or run to you?

I was there,
When you needed me then.
I was there,
When you look me in the eyes.
Telling me, how it could've been,
Could have, should have, would have,
Between the love that we believed,
but we couldn't find the real beginning.

It hurts, to walk right past you.
It kills, to believe the end.
My heart screams for the real dream.
When in time I know,
Dream is just a dream.

I was there,
When you needed me then.
I was there,
When you look me in the eyes.
I was there,
When you tell me that we should begin steps,
together, forever,
but we ended, what we didn't start,
When I saw you walking now,
down the road,
With her. Next to her. Without me.
I was there,
I was there.
once there.
I'm still there 
foolishly thinking,
of a place,
Where we could've begun

p/s: This is how you 'killed' me to pieces.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Make a move ahead

Life teach us lessons.
Either we want to learn it or not.
If we refuse to learn,  we will not make any steps, any moves.
We stay the way we are.
When we learn, we learn to be better, not to be worse.
When we fall , we stand up. When we get hurt, we heal slowly. We're not superman, we cant heal that fast.
But when we heal, we remember not to get hurt again.
It's not the end, when we start make mistakes.
When we make mistakes, it's not that we're horrible. We're people.
Nobody is ever perfect.

So don't be too nice,nor  too bad.
Life has reasons to every thing.
face it and learn from it

p/s: its never the end

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Without

I am happy as I am now :) So so happy that it is nice to not depend on anything.
I miss the butterflies yes.
but I guess you're not worth that feeling of mine :)
I'm giggling right now that I can be happy.
Without you ;)

Smile does not start from someone else.
Instead.
It starts from you

p/s: Things will be there if it want to.