About Me

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A mind traveller. Pretty much an abstract and eccentric human being. But overall, a human panda who embraces food as a hobby.

Friday, December 31, 2010

We are young, We run free!

Being a very cynic person and a pessimist
All this while, I would greet past years as something like

" 2008 is a boo hoo year! go away! I wanna welcome 2009"
or something like
"oh this year it's a good year, next year bad year"
yes. I was that childish. -.-
but then as I grow up.
I learned that all the "bad year" things, aren't so bad at all.
and there is no such thing as, a label of bad and good year.
There are pain, sorrows, happiness and cheerful moments for us
But accept things with open heart.
when you start to see past through the bad moments and found the good moments after it
See ain't that bad after all.
without the bad moments, we wont be stronger as each year passed by.
I stop being that kind of person because I see the positive side to it.
Insya Allah. I will start being optimistic next year, though I can't be always optimistic
was grown up as a pessimist so it's a bit hard :P
Seeeeeee growing up isn't as bad as it is
so happy new year to everyone!
celebrate it safely and hey
start the new year with a smile and with God's will, we will have a more wonderful year ahead with new experiences. amin and huurah! :)

p/s: Every thing means something :)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Here comes goodbye...

I miss her.
I miss her so much.
That, it's not that i refuse to believe she is not here anymore.
But its too hard to believe.
I wish she stays
I wish she stay a lil bit longer
but when its time to go
she goes.
God knows the best
She suffered long enough
She needs to rest in peace.

I miss the way I make her smile
I miss the way she laughs
I miss the way she would laugh at the lame jokes I made for her
I miss the way she was happy whenever I try to convince her that I am now her driver
even though it was for a while
I know she was happy that I managed to drive her around.
I miss her weird smile with that missing tooth of hers flashing smiles to me
I miss trying to hold her cheek and ask her to get better
and the most is i miss holding her hand when she needs company.

I miss doing that. I miss it all
I may not say it nor show it
because I was torn inside.
It was too hard to believe
I can accept but believing it was her.
It was hard.

but I had to think positive.
She's in a better place now.
Much much better place.
No more in pain. no more suffering.
I was thankful enough that I spent all the last moments with her, and told her how much I love her.
Now she is at rest and finally met my late grandpa somewhere there.
Now I know they are looking to me from afar and I can whisper to them that I miss them so much.
I always remember my 15 years memory with both of you.
Thank you for making me feel the most happiest and luckiest granddaughter of all
I am thankful to Allah for having great grandparents like you two.

"here comes the pain, here comes me wishing things had never change, she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye"

Zabedah Bt Mahmud
17 April 1931 - 24 December 2010
A loving mother, loving grandmother and a loving person :')
Semoga Allah merahmati rohnya dan di tempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. Amin

p/s: always treasure the people you love. you'll never know when goodbye comes

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I want to have you please?

Saya nak Sony Walkman E series nie ya.
Saya tak mahu ipod ke, itouch ke, ishuffle ke, i care you ke.
Saya nak sony walkman.
tak tahu kenapa.
tapi saya terjatuh cinta pabila tangan saya memegang walkman ini.
now tell me who is nice enough to buy me this 16gb ek :D boleh tgk tv episodes skali :D HEHEHE
okay saya nak satu.

If It Kills Me

Do you really think in 4 months it would just go away?
No I don't think so.
3 years is more than 4 months.
I somehow always try to comfort myself, where you could have said yes.
Maybe its a bit different now I guess.
I was just a lil too early like you said.
and here we are back to the start again.
Can i just skip to the part where I be twice the fool and say I do love you?

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

It might kill me

p/s: this is killing me -.-

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Lit is cool

A very strong word by itself, because without it;
there would be no Harry Potter, no Twilight, no Shopaholic, no Angels and Demons and not even Oliver Twist.
Its not merely words. But its art. 
The art does not exists only on words depict by the author, but they give you the inspiration and you use your imagination to put yourself, to each of the character's journey.
It's a pity that society these days prefer to watch movies rather than reading it (referring to the books made into movies), when before internet existed, books was our fetish.
To me, being apart of literature, is amazing. 
They say we're boring, cause we keep on reading.
Why read, they ask. When there are movies?
Why imagine it? they questioned When you can see it for yourself without going through the hard work of thinking. 
Guess what. We're not. 
The ones who said that, are the boring ones. 
We use our imagination to run wild and go to a journey where only our mind can reach.
We fly with the words. 
Why see what other people see when we can use our imaginations that may go further.
Some say literature, or story books, only tell us a story, just a story. 
Well it isn't, there is a story beneath a story. 
So really, appreciating literature is when you can see the abstract of the story, not only by reading it but also understanding it.
In the past years, when the govt held the reading campaigns, I never knew whats the purpose of that, and thought it was unnecessary, till I realized that now, reading IS important.
Well, didn't Allah command us all to read? :) so why stop now?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

My sifu

Happy Birthday Dad! :)
to the great, dad who loves to nag and lecture to me
Mohd Azli Shaharman :)
I love ya loads.
I don't say it often but I know you know.
Thank you for all the cool tech knowledge you taught me :D

Always be my sifu. :)

p/s: I always love you ayah :)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Year II

I just ended my class for my first week as a second year.
You know time pass by so fast !
I am in my second year already.
Funny thing is it felt like just few months back I just started my first year.
Anyway this sem less hectic.
but the subjects are not really easy subjects so here is what I am taking this sem.

a) Intro to Sociolinguistics
b) Literary Genres III: Novels and Short Story
c) Islamic Aqidah
d) Islamic Ethics
e) Intro to History and Civilizations
f) Arabic Language III

YEAPP. no easy subjects. and next sem it will be HARDER. as I will be taking my minoring subjects in the same time juggling with my majoring subjects. ISH.
but nothing comes easy.
So I have to double the effort. Work harder. and make a timetable so that I will sleep enough yet finish everything on time.
No more just talking but I need to do it too.
I tend to procrastinate though. Heh
So happy weekend to come to you guys! :)

Monday, December 13, 2010

i miss home

When you're further away from the things you love.
You start feeling awkward.
You start feeling sick.
You start having those moments when you just want to cry.
You're used to having those usual things around
when you have to be apart from it.
it sucks the hell out of everything
but you get used to it in time
But it sucks when u have to cry to get used to it.
I am starting my new semester tomorrow
classes will be pack from morning till 3.30pm.
so okay.
i just feel like sleeping
i miss my mom n dad.
my brothers.
my friends. and suck to say
the renovation next door. even though the loud noises in the morning. I know at least I'm at home
okay i gotta go.
nite readers :) have fun.

p/s: am having a sickness called homesick

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Bam shot

I was watching America Next Top Model Cycle 14.
I stumbled upon it because there was no good show.
and I can't help but to notice how awesome Ms Bank's superb face structure.
It kept me thinking like will I ever be that thin?
Which is IMPOSSIBLE for me.
I will look like anorexic for sure but gad dem.
I can't help but to be awh most of the time.
I went like BAM BAM BAM!
then i went like.
MAN when can i be thin like that?
which is never?
I don't wanna be that thin. cause it will let my parents to think that I starve myself.
I don't want to be a model. But i just love that face structure cause she looks strong yet sexayh.
Dem son. aku nak kurus cmtu.

p/s: Dalam mimpi.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

True story

2010 made me realize so many things.
it made me sad, depressed in the first place but then it reminds me that sometimes i need to be happy too.
so it did. it made me feel happy. loved, lucky and awesome ;)
God is great.
He knows that sometimes we need to feel sadness so that we can believed in learning things through hardship.
that sometimes things in life have its downs.
and he also know that we can be strong, when after all the sadness we went through, we can still smile and have great people around us.
I believed in that.
and I turned to feel lucky and blessed. All the way. :)

and of course I couldn't have made all this way. without them

p/s: they come in the most lovable and surprising way :)

All is well

Good news :)
My grandmother is out from the ICU and now in the High Dependency Ward :)
It's blessed to see her smiling and talking back.
Though she is not that fully recovered but she is recovering slowly.
Allah bless everyone who have helped to pray for my grandmother's recovery
thank you :)
Insya Allah she will be well soon :)
For now, I am spending every moment I have of my free time
to visit her
Thank you again.

p/s: :) am slowly smiling along and truly blessed alhamdullilah.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

All the World (I Tell Myself)

Say that I'm changed, say I'm different
Maybe I’ll finally understand
Say I'll let go, say it's obvious
Oh, I tell myself over, over and over again

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready to believe

So tell me I'm strong, tell me I'm weak
Tell me I'll never, ever bend
Then tell me I'm fire, tell me I'm cold
Cold oh, I tell myself over, over and over again

I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready to believe

And all the world can watch the choices you make
All the world can watch each tiny mistake
Let the world watch to let the world wait for you

So tell me I’m wrong, or tell me I’m cruel

Tell me I’d fight, yeah tell me I fought for the wrong things

But I'm ready, I'm ready

I'm ready to believe
I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready to believe 


p/s: have that faith. when you are having that down moments. that is not the end.
tell yourself the same thing over and over again :)
just keep believing 


I need to hold on a bit longer eventhough it sucks.
I don't know how long i can hold it in one piece.
i just feel like keeping everything and throw it all away. sounds easy yea?
you don't have the slightest idea how hard it is.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


I believe words can bring strength
and determination

I have no idea what I wanted to say.
random ramblings

p/s: boo hoo

Saturday, December 4, 2010

This guitar

I saw you.
my eyes fell in love with you.
I may be blind in chords
but i do know music and lyrics.
I will get my hands on you
sooner or later.
I swear i will
I want you! :)

p/s: yamaha tgh sale lah! :p


I need my escapism so bad
I want the beach next to me.
the sound of the waves next to my ear.
the sand on my feet
the blue sea and skies as my view
i didn't have it
i can't have it
it's been too much
i need that so bad
i cant cope with this alone
neither hiding with this is helping
stay strong stay in one piece girl
stay strong
but how do you tell yourself to stay strong
when you are falling apart.

p/s: i am praying harder.

Friday, December 3, 2010

This tall

Sometimes when you saw something that can relive your past memories.
You stop in your tracks
Either your dwell in it
or you think and just move on
dwelling is not a problem
but when you mix memories dwelling and emotional dwelling
It makes you go tumbling down all over again
and thats when you remember
that you are not that strong
that you are weak when being cornered with your fears
you're a human
not an angel, not an alien, not a fantasy character
with feelings, imperfections, strength, and weakness
you can fall down
you can stand up
but when you do fall.
don't blame it on yourself.
never do.

it's life.
bear with it.
grow with it.
one day you stand tall
knowing you live this far

p/s: it starts today

This starts here

I'm starting new.
I want to start with having a new blog and new things to say.
I want to start inspiring people :)
and this start by saying welcome to all of you ! :)

p/s: nothing much change just that a new place to start and close the old one :)